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excellent one
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Posted: 2002-05-16 21:17:00
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sooty, that last joke was EXCELLENT
E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T
--
Posted: 2002-06-01 21:09:00
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I have another joke for you!!!!!!!!!
Sir Alex Ferguson is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and has reached the million pound question.
Chris Tarrant says "Right Sir Alex, this is for one million
pounds, and remember,you still have two lifelines left, so please take your time.
Here's your question: What type of animal lives in a set? Is it
a) a badger
b) a ferret
c) a mole or
d) a cuckoo?
Fergie ponders for a while and says "No, I'm sorry Chris, I'm not too sure. I'll have to go 50-50."
Chris says "Right, Sir Alex, let's take away two wrong answers and see what you're left with."
"Badger" and "cuckoo" are the two remaining answers.
Fergie has a long think, then scratches his head and says "No, Chris, I'm still not sure, I'm going to have to phone a friend."
"So who are you going to call, Sir Alex?" says Chris.
"Hmmm..." ponders Fergie. "I think I'll call David Beckham."
So Tarrant phones David Beckham. "David, this is Chris Tarrant from 'Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire'. I've got Sir Alex Ferguson here, and with your help he could win one million pounds. The next voice you hear will be Sir Alex's".
"Hello David" says Fergie. "It's the boss here. What type of animal lives in a set?
Is it a badger or a cuckoo?" "It's a badger, boss." says Becks without hesitation. "You sure, son?" says Fergie.
"Definitely, boss. One hundred percent. It's a badger. Definitely."
"Right, Chris," says Fergie, "I'll go with David. The answer's a badger. Final answer."
"Sir Alex," says Chris, "that's the correct answer. You've won one million pounds!!" Cue wild celebrations.
Next morning at training, Fergie calls Beckham across. "Son, that was brilliant last night. I thought I might be taking a gamble giving you a call, but you played a blinder! But how the feck did you know that a badger lives in a set?" says Fergie.
"Oh I didn't, boss," replies Beckham, "but everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock."
--
Posted: 2002-06-03 09:34:00
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Subject: The Princess
>>
>>
>> >
>> > Once upon a time there lived a king.
>> > The king had a beautiful daughter,
>> > the princess.
>> >
>> > But there was a problem.
>> > Everything the princess touched would melt.
>> > No matter what;
>> > metal,
>> > wood,
>> > stone,
>> > anything she touched would melt.
>> > Because of this, men were afraid of her.
>> > Nobody would dare marry her.
>> > The king despaired.
>> > What could he do to help his daughter?
>> > He consulted his wizards and magicians.
>> > One wizard told the king,
>> > "If your daughter touches one thing
>> > that does not melt in her hands,
>> > she will be cured."
>> >
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
>> >
>> > The next day,
>> > he held a competition.
>> > Any man that could bring his daughter an
>> > object that would not melt would marry her
>> > and inherit the king's wealth.
>> > Three young princes took up the challenge.
>> >
>> > The first prince brought a sword of the finest
>>steel.
>> >
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched it,
>> > it melted.
>> > The prince went away sadly.
>> >
>> > The second prince brought diamonds.
>> >
>> > He thought diamonds are the hardest substance
>> > in the world and would not melt.
>> > But alas,
>> > once the princess touched them,
>> > they melted.
>> > He too was sent away disappointed.
>> >
>> > The third prince approached.
>> > He told the princess,
>> > "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what
>> > is in there."
>> > The princess did as she was told,
>> > though she turned red.
>> >
>> > She felt something hard.
>> > She held it in her hand.
>> >
>> > And it did not melt!!!
>> >
>> > The king was overjoyed.
>> > Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
>> > And the third prince married the princess
>> > and they both lived happily ever after.
>> >
>> > Question:
>> >
>> > What was in the prince's pants?
>> >
>> > (Scroll down for the answer)
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> >
>> > V
>> > M&M's of course.
>> > They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
>> > [IMAGE]
>> > What were you thinking you pervert?
--
Posted: 2002-06-05 14:01:00
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try this web site for joks
www.pics4fun.com
--
Posted: 2002-06-05 14:19:00
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This is a good one.
> > A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of
> > his dad bouncing up and down.
> >
> > The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her
> > son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees
> > his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?" The mother
> > replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I
> > have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
> >
> > You're wasting your time." says the boy. "When you go shopping the
> > lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right
> > back up."
--
Posted: 2002-06-05 14:29:00
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great jokes
really good
hear is one (it is not htat funny)
What is the first thing a blond does when she wakes up?
scrooll down fort answer
''
'
'
'
'
goes home
--
Posted: 2002-06-05 18:19:00
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Here are some conversations, which had actually
happened between help desk people and their customers:
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right! -click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote'click'."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting
the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS W! ord setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?@#$ mailto:?@#$ mailto:%3F@%23$ > > ?
------------------------------------------! -----
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell th! at?"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support: "Well th! en we can't-"
Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.
You need to-"
Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try
a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because
you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I can't log in to my account."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's look at your configuration."
Customer: "Ok...but I know that my User ID is case sensitive."
Tech Support: "Yes it is. Ok, what does it say in the 'User ID'field?"
Customer: "Like I said, 'Case Sensitive'."
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
-------------------------------------------! ----
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
----------------------------------------------
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I don't need any ! of that SQL stuff-I just want a database!"
-----------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I have a long distance modem."
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: "I don't have a space bar
That just about covers my first day....can only get better eh?
--
Posted: 2002-06-09 09:16:00
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The last one is a killer, i am goning to email it to my mates
--
Posted: 2002-06-14 13:10:00
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The last one is a killer, i am goning to email it to my mates
--
Posted: 2002-06-14 13:10:00
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