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Quote:
On 2005-07-07 00:30:44, axxxr wrote:
The b*stard actually crashed his bike into a copper and hurt himself today in scotland..its a shame he did'nt break his neck..that would have been a double celebration coupled with the olympic annoucement.
Did anyone get that on video? That is a must to have on my p910i if anyone can dig it out
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Posted: 2005-07-07 00:38:23
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I'd almost say that Bush was a war criminal himself - but he's simply too stupid. Listen to him - he can hardly string a sentence together the semi-literate moron! He's probably just a puppet for all those Christian fundamentalist right-wing Neocons and all those Texas oil barons that have brainwashed him into thinking that global warming is hearsay, just like smoking doesn't give you cancer
And I have to post this - don't know if it has been posted here or not (or if John Cleese did write it - I doubt it but it's funny!) but here goes:
JOHN CLEESE'S LETTER TO AMERICA
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not
fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in
"Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders, your error is understandable.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
--
Posted: 2005-07-07 00:38:24
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Quote
The guy is just a TIT, no offence ladies
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Posted: 2005-07-07 00:39:32
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Quote
Quote:
On 2005-07-07 00:34:08, PeterKay wrote:
humans being killed daily but them so called humans feel no pain.
Their time will come and it will be severe.
Ideed their time will come...evil cannot and does not prevail,as the past dictators and butchers in history have learnt that you cannot oppress the world and get away with it.
_________________
WARNING TO JAMBA
ONLY IF LIFE WAS THIS PERFECT[ This Message was edited by: axxxr on 2005-07-06 23:40 ]
--
Posted: 2005-07-07 00:40:19
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Quote
but and Tony Bler(i dont know his surname ) is not very good
sorry for all UK guys
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Posted: 2005-07-07 00:43:40
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Quote
This is just brilliant...Nice Work Sammy!
Quote:
On 2005-07-07 00:38:24, Sammy_boy wrote:
I'd almost say that Bush was a war criminal himself - but he's simply too stupid. Listen to him - he can hardly string a sentence together the semi-literate moron! He's probably just a puppet for all those Christian fundamentalist right-wing Neocons and all those Texas oil barons that have brainwashed him into thinking that global warming is hearsay, just like smoking doesn't give you cancer
And I have to post this - don't know if it has been posted here or not (or if John Cleese did write it - I doubt it but it's funny!) but here goes:
JOHN CLEESE'S LETTER TO AMERICA
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not
fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in
"Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders, your error is understandable.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
_________________
WARNING TO JAMBA
ONLY IF LIFE WAS THIS PERFECT[ This Message was edited by: axxxr on 2005-07-06 23:46 ]
--
Posted: 2005-07-07 00:46:21
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Quote
Oh gosh ... no conspiracy this time and no flamewars (yet) ?
Oh and Quote:you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders
Looks who's talking ...
_________________
sonyericsson themes[ This Message was edited by: Jim on 2005-07-07 00:28 ]
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Posted: 2005-07-07 01:25:12
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Quote
OMG thats class, pure class
ROFL at the rugby comments. (since its the same thing i say to my american friends)
I have a little more time for Blair than bush to be honest, though again I guess not living in the uk it can be easier to like people not leading your own country.
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Posted: 2005-07-07 01:25:53
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Quote
Quote:
On 2005-07-07 01:25:12, Jim wrote:
Oh gosh ... no conspiracy this time and no flamewars (yet) ?
Let us just enjoy slagging off the U.S for now!
--
Posted: 2005-07-07 01:31:08
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To bring some balance to this thread:
Bush is not stupid, he has the same IQ as Kerry, it was revealed recently.
I find it halarious how liberals can advocate peace and harmony in the same sentence as cheerfully wishing a painful death on those who disagree with them....
How can you insist that Americans learn to properly speak english when the majority of Englishmen can't speak it! There was even a show tune written about it -"When will the English learn to speak?" from My Fair Lady.
Why should America become your subjects? Australia, India and Northern Ireland aren't too keen on it! And you thought Manchester could compete with Sydney for the 2000 Olympics?
Austin, Morris, Leyland, Triumph, Rover, Jaguar (in the seventies),DeLorean (built in Northern Ireland) Vauxhall... do I need to elaborate?
PC (political correctness) is nothing more than an aethists substitute moral code to allow discrimination against those who dare to disagree.
In other words socially sanctioned political intolerance.
If Bush is so wrong, how come he behaves calmly and rationally during debates? How come you always see him laughing and smiling, not ranting and indignant? Would Saddam Hussain or Osama Bin Laden tolerate a Michael Moore questioning thier policies? I doubt it.
Open your eyes and your minds. Calm down, put down the placards and show some tolerance.
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Posted: 2005-07-07 04:25:01
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