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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in HomeBase either."
_________________________________
There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, "I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table."
The old woman said, "Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds."
The old man said, "Well, what do you say..wanna get naked?" So they both stripped.
The old woman said, "You know hunny, my breasts are just as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." a
The old man replied, "I can imagine, one is in your oatmeal and the other is in your coffee."
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Posted: 2003-08-29 20:29:48
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Quote:
On 2003-08-28 09:29:50, shithappens wrote:
baa....moo...wat's the difference
elementary my dear watson...
1s welsh... the other's u
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Posted: 2003-08-30 09:45:54
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Posted: 2003-09-02 12:01:46
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STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
>
> BOY : May I hold your hand?
> GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
>
> GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
> BOY : You love me...
>
> GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
> BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
>
> GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
> BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
>
> GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
> BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
>
> BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
> GIRL : How soon??
>
> BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
> GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
>
> SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
> TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
> mouth.
>
> MAN : You remind me of the sea.
> WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
> MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
>
> WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of
> the other.
> HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
> out of the mouth.
>
> MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
> Peter?
> PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
>
> 1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
> Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
>
> 2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
> Pupil : "The moon".
> Teacher : "Why?"
> Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the
sun
> gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
>
> 3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
> people are no longer interested?"
> Pupil : "A teacher".
>
> 4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
> Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
>
> 5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was
called
> current affairs.
>
> 6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
> Sam : "It's a family tradition".
> Teacher : "What do you mean?"
> Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
> Teacher : "What about your mother?"
> Sam : "She's a woman".
>
> 7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
> David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
> performance repeated".
>
>
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
> stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
> Student : "Brotherly love".
>
> 9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
> eating?"
> Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
>
> 10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
> Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
> ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
> treated. The others all died".
>
> 11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
> One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
> and at the same time."
>
> 12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
> Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn't punish him ?"
> One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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Posted: 2003-09-02 22:02:48
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lol..i wish I was back in school to make smart ass comments like that :P
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Posted: 2003-09-03 04:54:04
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me too
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Posted: 2003-09-03 10:46:12
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Posted: 2003-09-03 22:47:39
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Quote:
On 2003-08-30 09:45:54, ShawO wrote:
Quote:
On 2003-08-28 09:29:50, shithappens wrote:
baa....moo...wat's the difference
elementary my dear watson...
1s welsh... the other's u
very funny indeed!!!
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Posted: 2003-09-04 08:18:42
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When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
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Posted: 2003-09-09 17:36:28
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A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
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Posted: 2003-09-09 22:40:25
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