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not by people that have tastebuds! erm it's popular with underage drinkers, but only when cider and alcopops have sold out
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Posted: 2003-09-24 18:35:39
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I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked,"Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?" "Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbequed ribs? "I said "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" "No, I don't". He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with sexy women?" "No," I said. "I've never done any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80"?
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Posted: 2003-09-24 19:18:14
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lol. good one!
Hmm..People who aren't brought up on Aussie beer seem to have trouble with it...Especially is European beer is the alternative. Must be an acquired taste I guess :P
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Posted: 2003-09-25 05:49:55
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Quote:
On 2003-09-23 04:10:25, N.M.E. wrote:
lol....not from Melbourne by any chance?
yup!!!
spent 3 glorious years of my uni life there.......
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Posted: 2003-09-26 03:56:08
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Well that explains it...They are always up to strange things :P
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Posted: 2003-09-26 07:26:28
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eh!! et tu N.M.E ???
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Posted: 2003-09-26 10:49:38
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On a tour of Scotland, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the North coast near Aberdeen on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing an English football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Scottish football tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Scotland and England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial
harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow."
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that???!"
"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows f--- all about shark hunting....
How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"
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Posted: 2003-09-26 17:27:48
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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect women met.After a perfect courtship, they had a wedding. Their life together was, of corse, perfect.One snowy, stromy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car (a Audi Quatio) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple,they stopped to help. There stood Santa CLaus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the Eve of Christmas. The perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were drivng along delivering the toys. Unfortunatly, the driving conditons deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really exised in the first place.Everyone knows there is no santa claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men scroll down.So if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you are reading this, this illustrates another point. Women never listen.
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When Joe went on his blind date, he really didn't know what to expect. But when he got to the door, a stunning young woman answered the doorbell ring; but she was in a wheel chair and had no arms nor legs. Since she was so pretty and obviously very intelligent, Joe decided rather than hurt her, he would go through with the date. When he picked her up out of the wheel chair and put her in the car, he thought she had purposely rubbed her bottom across his lap and when she sat next to him, she constantly touched him with her body. They had a wonderful time, and when he tookd her out of the car and put her in her wheel chair, she asked him if he would like to have sex with her. He answered, "Yes, but how?" She said, "Take me into the back yard, and hang me up on the clothesline with the big clothespins; we can have all kinds of fun." She was certainly right about that, Joe thought as he took her off the clothesline and put her back in her wheel chair. She said, "Oh, my Daddy will just think you're so GREAT! He's been looking out the window all this time." Panicking, Joe said, "He KNOWS? and you think he's going to think I'm Great? How do you figure that?" "Easy," said his date, "you're the first one that's ever taken me off the clothesline!"
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i might like you better if we slept together
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-09-26 19:07 ]
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Posted: 2003-09-26 20:06:43
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Posted: 2003-09-27 08:12:00
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A city slicker was walking down a dirt road in the country he spotted a farmers house with some milk weed in the front yard. So he walks up to the house and siad to the farmer, "I noticed you have some milk weed in your front yard, do you mind if I get some?" The farmer replied, "You can try all you want, but your not going to get any milk out of them." So five minutes later the city slicker came back to the house with a hat full of milk. The farmer was astonished. He said "While I was out there, I noticed you had some butter cups, do you mind if I get some?" the farmer replied "You might have gotten milk out of milk weed but your not going to get butter out of butter cup, but you can try if you'd like." Five minutes later, the city slicker returned with a hat full of butter. Once again the farmer couldn't believe it. The city slicker said "While I was out there I noticed you had a pussy willow." The farmer replies "I'l go get my hat."
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Once there was a guy that needed to make some money, so he thought about it for awhile. He had seen an elephant stand on 4 legs, 3 legs, 2 legs, even 1 leg. He had never seen an elephant stand on no legs. So he went out an bought an elephant. He posted a sign letting people know he was giving $1,000 to anyone that can make his elephant stand on no legs. For each try he charged $200. So people came and went and the man was making alot of money cause everyone was failing. Then one day a man in a blue chevy drove up and paid his $200. He walked over to the elephant with a large stick behind his back. He said "Now elephant I want you to stand on no legs, the elephant just stared. So the guy walked around to the back of the elephant and WHACK!!! right in the unmentionables. The elephant jumped up and the man recieved his $1,000. The elephants owner had to think of a better plan because the guy took all the money he had made. So he says, "I have seen an elephant shake his head up and down but I have never seen an elephant shake his head left to right. So people came and went paying there money but never getting the elephant to shake it's head left to right. then the man in the blue chevy drove up and walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" and the elephant shook its head up and down. The man said "Do you want me to do it again?".....
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Posted: 2003-09-27 13:17:00
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