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lol! :)
Sorry. Perth people seem to have a not-too-good view of Eastern Staters. I do believe it's the same the other way round. Australia is wierd man :P
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Posted: 2003-09-30 07:05:14
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Posted: 2003-09-30 07:33:06
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this is a pritty rubbish one but oh well.
What did the nokia say to the other nokia?
Looking quite fat today.
that was so not funny
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Posted: 2003-09-30 08:50:44
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it.
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Van walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a couple of sips he looks up and sees a woman sitting at the end of the bar. He calls the bartender over and says he'd like to buy the lady a drink.
The bartender says, 'Listen pal, let me save you some trouble. She's a lesbian.'
Van takes a second, thinks it over, shrugs his shoulders and says, 'that's OK, I'd like to buy her a drink anyway.
So the bartender brings the woman her drink. The woman lifts her glass and gives Van a nod of thanks. Van gets up from his bar stool and saunters over to the woman. As he's sitting down on the stool next to her and says, 'So, what part of Lesbia are you from?'
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Posted: 2003-09-30 21:00:59
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Posted: 2003-09-30 23:08:35
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Hahaha...Lesbia. I can't believe I haven't heard that before.
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Posted: 2003-10-01 06:40:37
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A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of
my computer screen".
The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not have
curtains"!!!....
And the blonde said: "Helloooo....??! I've got Windows"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: 2003-10-01 12:05:07
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sounds so much better comin from a blonde
no hard feelings
Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him; he has only 24 hours to live.
Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?
Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before I die?"
She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could.....?"
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... You don't."
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Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was, telling and bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" "Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. "Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What are u doing?!!! U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!!! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children. To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged. Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army's supply base to collect their underwear. Their sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwear dah dei?
Tambhi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why do you need so many for?
Tambhi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant and kicked up a big fuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of talking, the manager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?" The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm" company. During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife. " And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection. Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name. Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name then?" On this, Santa Singh replied 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li)
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Posted: 2003-10-01 15:28:09
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Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the
clubhouse to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so
successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a
multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his friends
new Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a
stockbroker,and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care
of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons.
How is yours doing?"
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay
bar."
The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled
about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends
gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.
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Posted: 2003-10-01 20:23:53
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Sorry..I didnt get any of those jokes ShawO :P
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Posted: 2003-10-02 04:57:56
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