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That one was funny.
Heres somthing funny: If you recive a SMS this Monday replay it by saying: Okay CUNT
Then the nxt time u meet the person try to exsplain that it means: see you next thursday
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The Bjerky exspedition [ This Message was edited by: Bjerkebanen on 2004-01-05 03:06 ]
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Posted: 2004-01-05 04:05:44
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CUNT = c u next thursday......
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Posted: 2004-01-05 04:23:21
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oh im sorry my bad its:
CUNT = C U Next Tusday
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Posted: 2004-01-05 11:20:06
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On 2003-12-31 19:57:40, sony_eric wrote:
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On 2003-11-19 16:01:30, masseur wrote:
bumping this for sony_eric to repost his joke
What was that??
@sony-eric
You posted a coconut tree (I think) joke in another thread for jokes and Masseur bumped this thread for you to post it here. This was a month back.
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Posted: 2004-01-05 15:46:59
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Bob and his wife live up north. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through"
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out. Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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Posted: 2004-01-11 13:16:30
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@eleventy7: u really haf to keep it up man.....just love reading the stuff u post here......
makes my day somewat too since i've been kept bizi as hell lately.......cheers mate!!
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Posted: 2004-01-12 04:19:29
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Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at
the windshields of air-liners, military jets and the space shuttle, all
traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the
windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."
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" They say i'm sick; they`re right, it's called 'Terminal Boredom!' "
[ This Message was edited by: 701 on 2004-01-12 06:48 ]
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Posted: 2004-01-12 07:40:51
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On 2004-01-12 04:19:29, shithappens wrote:
@eleventy7: u really haf to keep it up man.....just love reading the stuff u post here......
makes my day somewat too since i've been kept bizi as hell lately.......cheers mate!!
hehe no probs mate, glad to be of service
just for that, here's one for today!
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An Alabama preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family. "
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and voice shook as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2004-01-12 19:28 ]
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Posted: 2004-01-12 20:25:15
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mymy... so much new material... cant decide what to post
well... here are the creme de la cream
It was late at night in a well-known spot for "parking." A Policeman
sees a couple in a car with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this urprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window..."Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, officer...I'm reading a magazine..."
Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs, "I believe she's knitting a pullover..."
The cop is totally confused.. A young couple alone in a car at night...
And nothing obscene is happening!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, sir..."
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and says, " She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
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A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"
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Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."
Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob says, "No, what do you mean?"
"You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."
The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and sodomizes him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office.
He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist. "May I help you?"
Bob says, "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee."
"But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..."
"Listen lady, I am 67 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day
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Hit Man
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... he's naked as well! The *****!"
He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate - for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."
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Posted: 2004-01-12 22:05:40
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lol wery very good Shawo. I laughd my arse off. about that hit man.
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Posted: 2004-01-13 15:52:20
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