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@shits - is it safe to check it out in a room full of family?
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Posted: 2004-01-30 19:00:46
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Can we get this joke thread on wap
This message was posted from a T300
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Posted: 2004-01-30 20:55:22
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eh...?
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Posted: 2004-01-30 21:02:27
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It's ok tranquil, managed to sort my problem out
This message was posted from a T300
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Posted: 2004-01-30 21:09:35
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Quote:
On 2004-01-30 19:00:46, Eleventy7 wrote:
@shits - is it safe to check it out in a room full of family?
it is mate....its all in words...thank god.....
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Posted: 2004-01-31 01:20:43
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I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend runs an emulation program and the sound is turned off. Unfortunately, the DrinkingBuddies emulation for GirlFriend never seems to work, and I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them separately, and it works okay. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. But after months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right-as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I booted up it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for awhile.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI Probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
still in my system.
I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed,but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and uninstalls itself, then shuts the system down.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold- plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
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Posted: 2004-02-03 22:39:12
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thank god my wife v1.0 is still workin flawlessly
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Posted: 2004-02-04 11:25:00
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A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating TABLE she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift,
liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released FROM the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home,
she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"
God Replied,"I didn't recognize you."
_________________
This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard.
The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government,
so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leader, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what hewants for the dog.
The owner says "Ten dollars."
The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner,
"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"
The owner replies, "He's such a nice liar."
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A guy is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and laughs.
The man shrugs it off... The bartender looks at him and laughs again,
the barteneder finnaly went over to the man and said
"I'm sorry but you have to be the ugliest man that I have ever seen."
The man replied by saying I dont think so. I can get any lady that I want.
The bartender looks around and sees a hot big titted blond sitting at
a table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet
$50 that he couldn't get the woman to even talk to him.
The ugly man agrees and says "I'll bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her.
The bartender accepted. The ugly man walked over the girl jumped into his arms and they walked out the door.
The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, "damn that sucks but what happened?"
The man replied with "I dont know. He just stood there lickin his eyebrows."
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Posted: 2004-02-04 19:44:42
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hahahah
Licking hes eyebrows good one
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Posted: 2004-02-04 20:06:01
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There was once a company called 'Baxters Nails' that, surprisingly enough, made nails. Anyway, times were hard and they needed to do something quickly before they went bust, so the managing director called the sales director and said, 'Look John, I want you to come up with something really good and really fast, cos we're in very big trouble here you know...'
So John has a think about it and after a while, decides to call a marketing consultant. The marketing consultant listens to their story and immediately says 'What you need to do is advertise on the television. That'll get you loads of customers.'
'Oh yes?', says John, 'and how much will that cost?'
'Well,' says the consultant, 'there are two options, for £2000 well make you an advert and put it on at three oclock in the morning...'
'Oh, no' says John, 'Thats no good, whats the other option?'
'The other option,' says the consultant, 'is that for £20,000 we make you an advert and put it on at a quarter to eight, Monday evening, right in the middle of Coronation Street. Millions will see it!'
'OH YES!' says John 'Well definately take that!'
'OK' says the consultant, 'Make sure you're watching on monday evening, I promise you youll LOVE it!'
Anyway, Monday evening comes around and John settles down to watch Coronation Street. Sure enough, right in the middle of it, an advert comes on showing an image of Jesus nailed to the cross with a huge slogan underneath saying 'For strength and reliability, use baxters nails'.
Well, John leaps out of his chair, runs to the telephone and calls the marketing consultant. 'WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?' he cries, 'You cant put that on, it's blasphemy, well get closed down!'
'Ok, calm down' says the consultant, 'I tell you what, we'll make you another advert and put it on at the same time next week. This time you'll love it, I promise you...'
So, Monday comes round again and as before, John sits patiently through the first half of Coronation Street waiting for the ads. The ads come on, and suddenly there's a picture of a beautiful green hill, with Jesus running down it as fast as he can and two Roman guards chasing after him. One of the guards turns to the other and, panting heavily, says: 'I TOLD you we should have used Baxters Nails...'
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Posted: 2004-02-04 20:21:51
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