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i don't find that funny at all.
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Posted: 2004-03-31 17:38:10
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hmmm, how about this one :
there is this bull fighter in mexico that is very famous, everyday he fights a bull and after he wins he kills the bull and cuts his balls to eat them.
there was a tourist who went to this big hotel, after he sttled in he went to the retaurant of the hotel. he noticed someone eating this strange looking dish, he goes to the barman and asks about it. the barman tells him that this person is the famous bull fighter and tells him what was on his plate. the tourist asks the barman if he could try the dish and offered the barman alot of money. the barman says : "come back tomorrow and ill ask the bull fighter to give you abit of his share senor."
next day the tourist comes to the restaurant and asks the barman if his "special" order is available. the barman asks the chef to prepare the meal for him. after a while the dish is served and the tourist finds this small tiny thing on his plate and calls the barman angerly. the barman says:
"im really sorry senor, but today the bull won!"
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Posted: 2004-03-31 18:05:37
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The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well
dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog. The weary American traveller asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American,sniffed and said, "You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"
The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady, may I sit there? I'm very tired."
The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"
The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty
seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honour and chastise the American.
An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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Posted: 2004-04-23 06:30:28
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Posted: 2004-04-23 10:03:50
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http://www.erikasfriends.com/for_net/lj/song_for_you.htm
this is a very good sonf about Ebay.. Turn up the volume!!!
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Posted: 2004-05-04 20:24:55
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There once was a vampire called Mable
Her periods were allways quite stable
But every full moon
She picks up a spoon
And drinks herself under the table
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Posted: 2004-05-05 22:15:32
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Subject: the 4 evils
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend them on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20
years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?!!" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex.
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Posted: 2004-05-06 05:54:50
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Austin powers pick up lines
I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.
(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
Nice legs...what time do they open?
Do you work for the post office? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
Do you wash your pants in Mr Sheen because I can see myself in them.
_________________
I maybe fat but u're ugly & i can still diet...
[ This Message was edited by: shithappens on 2004-05-06 10:06 ]
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Posted: 2004-05-06 10:57:53
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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, 'Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.' They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, 'Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.' At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. 'Look', she said, 'I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.'
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Posted: 2004-05-06 11:04:17
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here's some more
1. A 95 year old man sucks his 90 year old wife's breast for half and hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.
POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE!!
2. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant !!
Which Male pencil is responsible? THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
3. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!
"YES".. OK, BYE". She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.
4. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
5. What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?
Answer : INTER COURSE.
Reason: No matter how many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in !!
6.Q: Why do men have pubic hair?
A: A nest for their bird...
Q: Why do women have pubic hair?
A: A resting-place for the coming bird !!!
7. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams.. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
8. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied : I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!
9. A Girl who opens her hand receives gifts.
Open her heart receives love.
But when she opens her legs, she receives happiness.
10. Yesterday's News:- A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.
Today's News :- Jogger's Park overrun by nuns jogging.
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Posted: 2004-05-06 11:14:50
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