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A young man was lost in a forest and came to a small house, knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with long gray beard.
"I'm lost, can you please put me up for the night?" he said.
"Certainly, but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man" the old man said.
"OK" said the young man.
After dinner they all went to their rooms. The young man was obviously attracted to the beautiful daughter with a fantastic body who kept staring at him during dinner. When everything was quiet the young man snuck up to the daughter's room for a night of passion. When it was over, he carefully went back to his room.
When he woke up he felt a heavy load on his chest with a note "Chinese torture 1 - Large rock on chest"
The young man just smiled and thought "that's very crappy" as he tossed the rock out of the window. He noticed a note on the window saying "Chinese torture 2 - rock tied to left testicle"
In a panic he decided to jump out after the rock thinking that a few broken bones were better than castration. On his way down he noticed a large note on the ground that read "Chinese torture 3 - right testicle tied to bed post"
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Posted: 2004-11-17 07:29:44
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Here's one for the girls
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker, if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat
the same stuff---grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don't know sh*t?
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Posted: 2004-11-29 04:47:27
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FOR SALE:
2000 tea towels
excellent condition
contact:
mrs arafat.
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Posted: 2004-11-29 05:09:00
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Whats about six inches long and begins with a P?
A shit!
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Posted: 2004-11-30 11:21:40
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Julius Caesar: I am the Ruler of Rome!
Cornelia: No you're not! Show me 12 inches and I'll say you're a ruler.
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Posted: 2004-12-02 07:30:49
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doctor: i examined you all over and i cant find anything wrong with you, it must be the alcohol.
patient: ok, ill come back when you are sober
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Posted: 2004-12-02 07:44:00
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Santa Claus was about to leave the house after delivering some gifts, but on his way to the fireplace a beautiful lady blocked his way and said "Santa why don't you spend christmas here with me?"
Santa said:
"Ho, ho, ho, I got to go
Raindeers waiting out in the snow."
The lady took off her dress and said "Now will you stay?"
Santa said:
"Hey, hey, hey, I got to stay
Can't climb up the chimney with my D**k this way!"
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Posted: 2004-12-02 08:30:17
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Man driving down road
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out window, "P I G !"
Man yells out window, "B I T C H !"
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
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Posted: 2004-12-03 03:51:21
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it took me a minute to figure that one out!
Brutus: Today, we are going to slay Caesar.
Marc Antony: Yes, we shall slay him in the open where everyone can see
Cassius: Hmmm, we're going to need a horse.
Brutus: A horse?
Marc Antony: Why?
Cassius: Haven't you heard of the "One Horse Open Slay"?
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Posted: 2004-12-03 04:13:49
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3 santas go to the blood clinic, to donate blood. The nurse says "thats incredible, you're all exacly the same blood type!" "Really?" reply the 3 santas? The nurse says "yes, you're O O O"
Ba-doooom-tish!
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Posted: 2004-12-09 16:28:28
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