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On 2005-05-16 16:40:40, Oogamous wrote:
One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I
show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me five
free beers?"
The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first."
So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano.
The 10 inch man starts playing the piano.
The bartender scratches his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing.
Here are your five beers. How did you do that?"
"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and will
grant you one wish."
So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then the
genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will grant
one wish. Choose carefully."
"I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000
ducks came out of nowhere. The bartender goes back into the bar.
"Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing." The
man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10 inch
pianist?"
lol
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Posted: 2005-05-16 18:45:49
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This bloke was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down The Queen's Head with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box:...........
"I heard you the first time! I'm putting my Fcukin shoes on."
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Posted: 2005-05-17 14:12:54
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That was a good one mate!
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Posted: 2005-05-17 14:36:09
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A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.
She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a Ballerina?"
The drunk replied,
"Why any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
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Posted: 2005-05-17 17:36:22
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good one
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Posted: 2005-05-17 23:55:00
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directions...
1.Start at Your House.
2.Make your way to London Heathrow Airport.
3.Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
4.Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.
5.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South"
follow for 0.2 miles.
6.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for
0.3 miles
7.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North
AirportExit" follow for 2.9 miles
8.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for29.2
miles
9.Then continue on "US 287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles
10."US 287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles
11.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for104.0
miles
12."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles
13.Continue to follow "US 287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles
14.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for
7.8 miles
15.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5miles
16.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for1.7
miles
17.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1miles
18.Arrive at the centre of "Amarillo, Texas"
....Now that's the way to %^&*()! Amarillo!!!!!!!!
SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW!!!!!!!
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Posted: 2005-05-19 17:05:44
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You got that mail to huh?
[ This Message was edited by: Burgaz on 2005-05-20 00:02 ]
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Posted: 2005-05-19 17:08:36
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yea, and i had a shortened version as a sig a month ago, so yr behind me burgaz!
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Posted: 2005-05-19 17:53:00
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question "
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Posted: 2005-05-20 22:21:00
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Definition of Bravery:
True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys, being met at the door and assaulted with a broom by your wife and still having the guts to ask:
Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?'
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Posted: 2005-05-20 23:28:00
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