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lmao
nice jokes axxxr
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Posted: 2006-10-01 06:24:00
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A young fellow ran into an old man who was carrying a bag.
\"What's in the bag?\" the youngster asked.
\"magic apples\", the old man replied.
\"Prove it\", said the young man.
\"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?\" asked the old man.
\"Watermelon and peaches\", he answered.
The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. \"OK, turn it over\", he said.
The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.
The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.
The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.
\"I like to eat pussy.\" he snapped.
The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.
He took a big bite, spit it out, wiped his mouth and exclaimed, \"That tasted like shit\".
The old man looked at him, smiled and said, \"Turn it over.\"
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Posted: 2006-10-04 01:40:19
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Haha, heard that one a long time ago axxxr but good joke
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Posted: 2006-10-04 08:41:23
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Q: What do you call an abortion in Prague?
A: A cancelled cheque
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Posted: 2006-10-05 07:17:39
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Secret Messages
After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the F B I. No one could solve it so it went to the C I A, then to NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. MI-6 cabled the White House:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
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Posted: 2006-10-05 19:11:49
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A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's
Christmas present. As they hadn't been seeing other for very long he
decided after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike the
right note, not too romantic and not too personal.
He went with his girlfriends sister to Harrods and bought a dainty pair of
white fur lined gloves, the sister bought a pair of knickers (panties) for herself at
the same time.
During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed up the two items, the sister
got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Without checking Ron sealed the
package and sent it to his new girlfriend with the following letter:-
Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not
wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your
sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons but she wears shorter
ones which are easier to remove,
These are a very delicate shade,but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly
soiled at all, I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in
them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that the pair rubs her ring which helps keep it clean and
shiny, in fact she she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing
them,
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many
other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they
will be naturally a little damp from wearing, just think how many times my
lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love
Ron.
P.S.The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur
showing.
2 guys were stuck in the Moroccan desert, desperate for water.
They struggle once again over the top of a sand dune and lo and behold, they see an market full of people selling and buying food.
They rush down with thier last ounce of energy and go to the first stall, gasping "water, water"
The stall holder says " sorry, I only have a mixture of jelly and custard, topped with creme and cherries."
Desperate for a drink, they go to the next stall but the reply is "sorry, we only have blancmange with sweet biscuit base and chocolate sprinkles on top of double creme with a hint of sherry"
This goes on for every stall, them being offered rich puddings all the way.
Eventually they crawl to the top of the next dune, severely dehydrated and one says to the other.....on the brink of death...
"did that strike you as odd"; to which the other replies...............
"yes, it was a trifle bazaar"...
_________________
My Friends 3G World Analysis Mobizines[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2006-10-20 14:31 ]
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Posted: 2006-10-20 14:45:06
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HAHA great one Goldenface!! Lol! Not got any for u though yet.
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Posted: 2006-10-20 14:55:30
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SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY (Not our very own!)
1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the
core of the earth?
3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?
5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?
9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a Horrible crisp no one would eat?
10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?
13) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
14) What do you call male ballerinas?
15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
16) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
17) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them,but if they tell you there is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
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Posted: 2006-10-20 15:02:09
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Quote goldenface:
'11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? '
I wanna meet teh guy/girl who found this out - maybe not actually , dont want teh lil begger pulling at anything on me
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Posted: 2006-10-20 15:18:46
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@leeboy
I don't know what to say!
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Posted: 2006-10-20 15:42:43
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