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Great jokes! Keep them coming!
Two women had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided
to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them
thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and
did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to
a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to
wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his
normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop.
I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card
stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the
Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
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Posted: 2006-12-18 16:33:36
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A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeeper. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeeper give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well.
The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man
hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here.
Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin
and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeeper another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.
The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeeper answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business.
The barkeeper responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
_________________
I
my W900i
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2006-12-18 16:39 ]
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Posted: 2006-12-18 17:38:52
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Heres some amusing Chuck Norris jokes:
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter all three died
of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
--
Posted: 2007-01-01 02:33:25
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Some more Chuck Norris jokes:
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
--
Posted: 2007-01-01 14:56:27
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Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's
no glitch."
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
Everything tastes like chicken because its Chuck Norris' favorite food
Chuck Norris isn't attracted to the Earth by gravity; the earth is
gravitationally attracted to him
Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after
an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.
--
Posted: 2007-01-01 23:22:54
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a blonde went to the local electronic store and asked the sales "can i buy that TV?" the sales repied "i dont sell things to dumb blondes" so the next day the chick dyed her hair red and went back to the store "can i buy that TV?" once again the sales repied the same " i dont seel things to dumb blondes" the third day she dyed her hair black and went back to the store and asked for the tv again, yet the sales repied the same thing..so the chick was so pissed that he went up to the sales and shouted "why wont you sell that tv to blondes?"
The sales answered "i dont sell things to dumb blondes, because thats a marcowave and not a TV!" XD
(^^,)
Bleach~
--
Posted: 2007-01-04 16:26:01
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Quote:
On 2006-12-18 15:50:55, leeboy13 wrote:
Quote:
On 2006-12-18 15:17:14, goldenface wrote:
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear) when working under your vehicle especially in public.
From the Sydney Morning Herald, Australia, comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
_________________
I
my W900i
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2006-12-18 14:17 ]
that is class mate!!!!!!!
I didn't get tht at all. Would someone like to explain??
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Posted: 2007-01-04 17:11:02
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Quote:
On 2007-01-04 17:11:02, ..:/Ðanny:.. wrote:
Quote:
On 2006-12-18 15:50:55, leeboy13 wrote:
Quote:
On 2006-12-18 15:17:14, goldenface wrote:
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear) when working under your vehicle especially in public.
From the Sydney Morning Herald, Australia, comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
_________________
I
my W900i
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2006-12-18 14:17 ]
that is class mate!!!!!!!
I didn't get tht at all. Would someone like to explain??
The wife thought the person fixing the car was her husband, but it was actually the mechanic and he got such a shock that he sat up and banged his head.
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Posted: 2007-01-05 17:14:16
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"mummy mummy i dont want to go oversea anymore!"
"shut up and keep swimming!"
xD
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Posted: 2007-01-12 03:50:58
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Tarzan was naked. All animals began laughing. Tarzan asked them- Y r u all laughing? Animals said- U r da 1st animal wit a tail in da front.
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Posted: 2007-01-14 07:20:00
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