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Ok maybe its an old repeat.. but then I sooo love everthin about Dubya
you know ...
The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Texan Razorback hogs. I got one for Jenna and I got one for Barbara."
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted,
and replied, "Nice trade, sir."
)
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Posted: 2007-01-21 04:13:49
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A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous redhead eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
"Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.
They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.
The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replied....
.......... just the ones that catch my eye!"
_______________________________________________________
A few days before his proctological exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!
"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-02-09 14:45 ]
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Posted: 2007-02-09 15:42:07
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Anyone got/ heard/ saw- SMS texts or variants of this
? Hillary Clinton at a rally, with shaved nether regions and NO panties ON.. message is simple- read my LIPS, this time no BUSH !!
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Posted: 2007-02-11 12:57:23
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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that is has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names "cocktails", "highballs" and
just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."
_________________
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket, can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with t*ts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!"
[ This Message was edited by: goldenface on 2007-02-13 16:07 ]
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Posted: 2007-02-13 17:03:14
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A pathetic guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for
half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor
little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck
driver."
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right... I overslept and was late to
an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the
poison...
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Posted: 2007-02-13 17:16:18
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A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a
head of lettuce.
The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell
only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to
see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
"Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man
standingright behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the
way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like
people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey
players up there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
"No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
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Posted: 2007-02-13 17:38:26
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nice...
thou d last onez a oldie but goldie
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Posted: 2007-02-14 22:52:33
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel
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Posted: 2007-03-08 08:30:29
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Nice one reggie!
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Posted: 2007-03-08 08:44:03
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On 2007-02-13 17:16:18, goldenface wrote:
A pathetic guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for
half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next
to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor
little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck
driver."
I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right... I overslept and was late to
an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the gardener. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the
poison...
hahahah you made my day start with a laugh
thanks
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Posted: 2007-03-08 09:40:37
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