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A redhead girl goes home with her blonde friend. When she gets home she finds a large bunch of flowers off her husband. The redhead says"I hate it when he does this" to which the blonde replies "why". The redhead says "well evertime he does that, I have to lie on my back with my legs in the air for 3 days" to which the blonde replies, "why havent you got a vase"
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Posted: 2007-07-23 20:08:31
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A guy in a ski mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
"Open the nice safe!" He yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank." She replies, "We don't have any money, this is a sperm bank."
"Don't argue, open the nice safe or I'll blow your head off." Demands the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she opened the safe door the guy says, "Take out one of the bottles and drink it."
"But it's full of sperm!" She replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it!" He demands. She pulls the cap off and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" He demands. She takes out another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the ski mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.
"There," He says "It's not that nice difficult is it?"
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Posted: 2007-07-26 15:53:39
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(if your american, you will love this one!)
Panhandling
Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"
Carlos looks at Jose's sign.
It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico"
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Posted: 2007-07-26 15:56:48
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There is this lady who is pregnant with triplets. The first baby tells the other two, "When I get out of here I'm gonna be an electrician because it's too damn dark up in here." The second baby says, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a doctor, because this cord is bugging the hell out of me." The third baby says, "When I get out of here I'm going to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes up here one more time, I'm gonna cut it's nice head off."
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Posted: 2007-07-26 16:00:02
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One day a little boy and his dad are walking down the street. upon turnung a corner the little boy see two dogs having sex. Confused the little boy askes his dad,"Daddy what are those two dogs doing?" Scratching his head the father answers carefully."well, son they are making a puppy. Don't worry about it let's keep walking." Satisfied with this answer the little boy walks on.
The next day the little boy walks into his mother and fathers room where he unknowingly;) interups his parents having sex. The little boy confused, asks his father,"Daddy what are you doing to mommy?" Not knowing how to answer this he says,"well, we are making a baby." Scratching his head to mock his father the little boy says,"well, can you turn her over and make a puppy instead?"
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Posted: 2007-07-26 16:03:24
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A guy goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is my chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, gets up, drops his pants, picks up the chicken and sticks his dick in the bird's ass. He then bends over and says, "Your turn!"
Another joke
:
Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
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Posted: 2007-07-26 16:06:39
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A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year."
Well, thats almost a whole page of jokes, by the Book Man!
Hope you enjoyed em!
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Posted: 2007-07-26 16:10:36
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I need to get some more me thinks
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Posted: 2007-07-26 16:55:31
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Why did Saddam Hussein kill his wife?
Why?
Because he looked up her skirt and saw bush
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Posted: 2007-07-30 12:18:39
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Did you hear about the dyslexic clubber? He died after taking an 'F'
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Paddy and Murphy go for a job interview. Paddy goes in first and the interviewer says:
"Right Paddy, I want you to say a sentence that includes the word 'Interest'."
Paddy thinks for a while and says "If I get this job, I'll save all of my wages in the bank and buy a new donkey jacket with the interest."
"Well done Paddy!" Says the interviewer. "You've got the job, can you send Murphy in for me please?"
So Paddy leaves the room and tells Murphy to go in adding: "hey Murphy, it's dead easy. All you've got to do is say 'If I get this job, I'll save all of my wages in the bank and buy a new donkey jacket with the interest'."
In strides Murphy and the interviewer says to him 'Hello Murphy, I want you to give me a sentence with the word 'fascinate' in it."
"If I get this job, I'll save all of my wages in the bank and buy a new donkey jacket with the interest." says Murphy.
"No,no" says the interviewer. "'fascinate', not 'interest'."
So Murphy thinks about it and eventually says...
"I've got a Donkey Jacket with ten buttons on it, but I can only fasten eight!"
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Posted: 2007-07-31 13:23:29
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