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I should be shot for this one...
Once, there were four potatoes: Daddy tater and his three daughter taters. One day daddy tater says to his daughters 'I'm sorry girls but I'm getting too old to work now so you'll all have to go out and a marry a nice young tater because I can't afford to keep you any more.'
The three girls agree and that night, they go off to the tater ball. When they return, Daddy tater asks them how they got on.
"I met a King Edward tater and we're getting married next week." says his first daughter. "Ooooh, Very classy! Well done!" says Daddy tater.
"I'm going to marry a Jersey Royal in a few days time" says his second daughter. "Wow! What a result!" says Daddy tater.
"I met Jimmy Hill and he asked me to marry him and I said yes." said the third daughter proudly.
"Jimmy Hill? JIMMY HILL?" exclaims daddy tater. "But he's a common tater!"
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Posted: 2007-10-03 18:09:35
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@cyco
ur rite ...u should b shot for dat one...lemme do the honours
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Posted: 2007-10-04 07:12:12
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@Cyco
LMAO
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Posted: 2007-10-04 09:40:27
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Cyco why are the most pathetic jokes so funny !
That was quality standard beefy that one mate!
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Posted: 2007-10-04 23:12:00
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Some jokes are so funny just because they are so lame, but are jokes all the same.
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Posted: 2007-10-05 09:15:13
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That's a rhyme goldenface.
Its just that some jokes are so pathetic, you laugh in sympathy. Consider this:
We have this idiot of a friend. One day we saw him laughing like hell in the class. Shaking like a twig in a storm. When we asked him why he was laughing, he said, "the ice cream truck just went by, sounding its music. It was sooooo funny! " for a moment we were like
and then we all burst out laughing. Pathetic bastard
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Posted: 2007-10-07 07:27:00
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It's about the only joke I know that isn't sexist, ageist, racist, dirty or likely to upset certain religions
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Posted: 2007-10-07 11:25:27
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On 2007-10-07 07:27:00, $herry wrote:
That's a rhyme goldenface.
Its just that some jokes are so pathetic, you laugh in sympathy. Consider this:
We have this idiot of a friend. One day we saw him laughing like hell in the class. Shaking like a twig in a storm. When we asked him why he was laughing, he said, "the ice cream truck just went by, sounding its music. It was sooooo funny! " for a moment we were like
and then we all burst out laughing. Pathetic bastard
Thats true. Sometimes you have to laugh or you'll cry. Some funny notices from around the world:
I found myself on a ferry to La Gomera in the Canaries, reading: "Keep this ticket up the end of your trip".
The sign in front of construction works at a Bolivian airport: "Sorry for the bother."
Another remembered a sign on a broken turnstile at Salzburg passport control: "Out of work."
Airline brochure promises: "Wide boiled aircraft for your comfort"?
Why worry that the hotel room is tiny - just enjoy the sign that says: "All rooms not denounced by twelve o'clock will be paid for twicely."
Hard to get too upset by a delayed train whose toilet warns: "Do not be occupying while stabilizing."
The book, Lost In Translation, featured in the Daily Telegraph last year. Readers reported hotels in Krakow ("Evacuate yourself with the staircase"), cable cars in China ("Smoking, hubbub, spit are forbidden"), tavernas in Kos ("Kiss Lorraine" and "Chessburger").
Menus are a constant favourite, with restaurants, eager for business, working hard - too hard - on their descriptions: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
Remembering - as we must - that the rest of the world is far better at English than we are at Japanese or Thai or Mandarin, it nevertheless seems hard not to laugh when your hotel in Greece promises: "Tonight dinner will be served in the swimming pool." Below are some more highlights.
In front of construction works at Bolivian airport: Sorry for the bother
Above basin in toilet on train, China: Don't throw things in the pond
Sign on windy road in the Himalayas: Be mild on my curves
Small hotel, Cornwall: Will any guest wishing to take a bath please make arrangements to have one with Mrs Harvey
Munich, Germany: In your room you will find a minibar which is filled with alcoholics
At a wadi in Oman: Drowning accidents are now popular
Czech Republic: We like 2 please our customers but if u r unhappy please see the manager who will give u total satisfaction
In Japanese national park containing monkeys: You had better deposit your baggage into the charge free lockers or it will be ours. But we are not interested in your camera. We do not like to be stared at our eyes. If you do so, we are not responsible for what will happen. We do not hope to be such a monkey. Please, refrain from feeding us
Toledo, Spain: Frozen ice available here
Dydo coffee, Japan: There's a gallon of deliciousness in every drop
Notice on a door in Sana'a, Yemen: Physio the rapist
Sign outside cottage hospital, Caribbean: Dont (sic) park here, hearse calls daily
"Emergency exit" sign at Beijing Airport: Do no use in peacetime
On snack handed out on China Southern Airways: Airline Pulp
In Japanese car park: Please get a punch at window No 2
Restaurant, France: Fish soup with rust and croutons
Restaurant, France: A confection of plugs and geysers
Restaurant, Switzerland: Half a lawyer with prawns
Restaurant, Yaroslav, Russia: Lorry driver soup
Restaurant, Kos: Kiss Lorraine
Restaurant, China: Dumpling stuffed with the ovary and digestive glands of a crab
Hotel in Canary Islands: Great entertainment - live paella
Hotel, Lake Garda, Italy, offering early evening aperitifs: Martini & nipples
On website of a French hotel, restaurant specialities include: The Salmon Smoked House; The Ham of Stage coach House; The Sausage of Ass House; Spotted frog thighs; The flap with shallot; The nice one of pig green pepper
Sign next to Shanghai swimming pool: Bottom of pond very hard and not far from top of water
Budapest: Forbidden to hang out of hotel window. Person which do so will be charge for clean up mess on footpath
Guide to Buenos Aires: Several of the local beaches are very copular in the summer
Sign on Spanish beach: Beach of irregular bottoms
Sign in Japanese park: Keep Japan green don't burn the fire chief
Sign at the Ethnic Minorities Park, Beijing: Racist Park
Tourism brochure trying to say "Jerusalem - there's no city like it!": Jerusalem - there's no such city!
Japanese sign: Don't protrude the tartness and keenness out the staircase
Sign for disabled toilet, China: Deformed man toilet
On an oil tanker in India: Edible. Oil tanker!
Road sign, New Mexico: Gusty winds may exist
Sign in Prague hotel: Water is officially drinkable (but not for sucklings), but we don't recommend to drink it
Hotel brochure, Copenhagen: In fire, the bells rings three times. There is a fine escape on each floor. For other amusements see page 3.
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Posted: 2007-10-09 17:05:20
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here
soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!? I've made a speciality of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right.? People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.? Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, um...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!"
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Posted: 2007-10-10 14:17:42
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Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'
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Posted: 2007-10-10 14:25:41
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