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Why do Essex Girls wear knickers............to keep their ankles warm!
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Posted: 2008-02-24 05:12:00
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1000 Scousers were asked if they thought Britain should change its currency, they said "NO" they were happy with the Giro!
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Posted: 2008-02-25 08:31:44
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Jim owned a small company that manufactured nails. One day he went out for a drink when he saw Bob - a guy he used to go to school with. They talk and discuss what each other is doing. Jim tells Bob that he owns a nail
manufacturing company called 'Jim's Nails' while Bob explains that he works for a advertising agency.
Bob says, "I tell you what, since we were friends at school I'll make you an advert for free" Jim protests but realises it's an opportunity he shouldn't refuse.
A few days later Bob phones him up to say that his finished advert will be on tonight, in the X-Files. Jim, all excited, gets a few beers in and sits down and waits. Eventually, the advert comes on. There on the screen is a picture of Jesus nailed to a cross with the caption 'USE JIM'S NAILS' written underneath in large letters.
Being a religious guy, Jim is outraged. He phones Bob up and asks what the hell he thinks he is doing. Bob apologises profusely and after much persuasion he
gets Jim to agree to let him do another advert to make it up to him.
Another few days later Jim receives a phone call telling him that the new advert will be on in between the Saturday Night Movie. Again, Jim sits down with a few beers and a couple of friends and waits.
The new adverts comes on ... Jesus is running through the desert with sweat pouring off his brow - he is obviously running for his life. The camera pans
out to reveal two Roman Guards about 100 yards behind Jesus chasing after him. The camera zooms in on the guards just as one says to the other, "I told you we should have used Jim's Nails"
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Posted: 2008-02-25 16:39:46
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LMAO
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Posted: 2008-02-25 17:00:47
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What does a gay priest say? Ah Men.
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Posted: 2008-02-26 15:38:00
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who plums you
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Posted: 2008-03-07 14:45:37
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Three little ducks go into a bar...
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great .. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
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Posted: 2008-03-07 15:36:13
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A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 42-year old arse?'
'Your name never came up,' she replied.
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Posted: 2008-03-07 17:06:59
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Two women knocked at my door, asking me what type of bread I ate. When I said white, they lectured me on the benefits of brown bread.
Damn Hovis Witnesses!!!!!!!
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Posted: 2008-03-17 12:51:27
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Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."
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Posted: 2008-03-18 10:44:56
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