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Police are investigating the bigger picture of
Mark Speight's death.
It was sent in by 11 year
old Susie from Reading.
Hyperlink provided for Taz's benefit
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Posted: 2008-04-23 20:56:28
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How many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?
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Posted: 2008-04-23 22:40:56
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1?
Paddy and Mick are throwing stowns at the floor
Paddy Missed...
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Posted: 2008-04-24 20:59:32
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On 2008-04-23 22:40:56, KingBooker5 wrote:
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light blub?
neo?
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Posted: 2008-04-26 07:02:23
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funny bugger cyco lol, i watch news just nos soccer lol
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Posted: 2008-04-28 12:58:00
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My mate Sid was a victim of ID theft. He's just called 'S' now...
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Posted: 2008-04-28 13:08:17
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She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'
And he replied:
'Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened'
'Fine, go ahead', she sobbed, ' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And he began:
'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don'twear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them..'
He took a quick breath and continued:
'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ''Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
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Posted: 2008-04-29 09:58:01
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First Day of Vet School
First-year students at Auburn University Vet School were receiving
their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered
around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a
doctor: The first
is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body."
For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his
mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the
dead cow and
sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid."
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Posted: 2008-04-30 00:50:51
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Nice one.
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Posted: 2008-04-30 12:26:51
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It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.
Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said, "I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?" God gave him a puzzled look, and replied "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"
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Posted: 2008-04-30 16:22:00
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