>
New Topic
>
Reply<
Esato Forum Index
>
General discussions >
Garbage threads
> Post Your funny Jokes Here
Bookmark topic
I'm very proud of my Grandfather. He shot down two German planes. Admittedly that was in 1972 but you can never be too careful.
--
Posted: 2008-07-24 23:11:31
Edit :
Quote
I find women are like lava lamps...
Very pretty to look at, just not very bright
/hides from Wifey..........
--
Posted: 2008-07-24 23:21:16
Edit :
Quote
You're playin with fire reggie lol
--
Posted: 2008-07-25 14:10:47
Edit :
Quote
LMAO.
Lol good ones.
_________________
(+8 -0) --Thomas--
K850i,BB 8800, N82,N95,N70,iPhone,PSP,Nano
Addicted to my Crackberry
And I'm High from EEE
Me like Apple Pie (Phone)
[ This Message was edited by: thomas93 on 2008-07-25 15:35 ]
--
Posted: 2008-07-25 16:34:16
Edit :
Quote
One day Dr Nelson Manndela, former South African president went to see patients in a phsycratic hospita.
He was late and the whole delagation was witing for him such that His welcome speech was as short as possible.
He went from domitre to domitre greeting all the patients.
Then when he was done he saw another man sitting at a distance on his own and he went to greet him because he assumed he was now ready to go home.
"Hi Sir," said Manndela stretching out his hand for a shake.
The man just frounned and look at him and said
"What is your name Sir,"
"Iam Dr. Nelson Manndela." answered Manndela
The man looked at him in great dissapointment and everyone was worried why then he said
"Dont worry Mr. whosoever you are, you will be fine because they work realy good here."
Everyone was worried and he continued
"When I first came here I also used to call myself Michael Jackson"
--
Posted: 2008-07-28 14:51:54
Edit :
Quote
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding the most perfect pair of shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress in a sale in the second shop.
In the third everything was reduced to a fiver when her mobile rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had been involved in a terrible accident and was in a critical condition in the Intensive Care Unit. The woman told the doctor to tell her husband where she was and that she would be there as soon as possible.
As she hung up, she realised that she was leaving what was turning out to be her best ever day in the shops. She decided to get in a few more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping for the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful slice of cake, complimentary from the last shop. She was jubilant. The she remembered her husband and, feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted ' You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you ? I hope you are proud of yourself. While you were in town enjoying yourself your husband was languishing here in the Intensive Care Unit.
Well it's just as well you did because it's more than likely to have been the last shopping trip you will take. For the rest of his life your husband will require round the clock care and you will be his carer '
The woman broke down and sobbed
The female doctor chuckled and said ' I'm only pulling your leg. He's dead. What did you buy ?'
--
Posted: 2008-07-28 15:08:00
Edit :
Quote
Man goes for a complete sex change. After the operation, a mate rings and asks him ''Didnt it hurt when they chopped your Penis and Testicles off ?'' He replied, ''Not as much as when they shrank my brain and widened my mouth !''
Mick asks paddy Why dont u close Your curtains when u & ur lass r shagging ? Yesterday all the street watched u at it & laughed ! Well sed paddy the jokes on them i wasnt home yesterday
--
Posted: 2008-07-28 23:36:45
Edit :
Quote
The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself. The
door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes
on - 5'9'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass
figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I
could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts
were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I
taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close
to me and sitting down.
She said "Hi", and I said "Hi" in return. She asked how I was and took
my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and
down. "So, does that make you feel good?" she asked. "I'll bet you feel
good," she continued. "In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good
before."
"Well, I have," I corrected her. "You see, when I was 18, I was picked
to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of
a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good."
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would
get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the
front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my
hand into her pert, perfect breast.
"How do you feel now," she purred.
"Okay," I
replied.
Again, she said, "I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt
THIS good before!"
Unbelievably I heard myself saying, "Well, actually I have. In that
game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the
match. The opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field,
where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few
defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a
few forwards, clipped the ball over their fullback, regathered and
scored a try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds until full
time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at
goal with which to win the match and..."
"Ahhh..." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed,
and pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of
her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft
cotton, and she was wet!!
She snapped, "Well tell me this, Smart Ass... have you ever felt such a
c*nt?"
"I certainly have," I answered, "I missed the kick!".
--
Posted: 2008-08-08 15:59:46
Edit :
Quote
A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, ''What size condoms?'' The customer replied that he didn''t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, ''One box of large condoms, Register 5.'' The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn''t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, ''One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'' A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn''t know.? She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, ga ve him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said... (you''ll love this one...................)
.
.
.
.
''Cleanup, Register 5''
--
Posted: 2008-08-09 08:40:15
Edit :
Quote
Re: My Last Year on the Computer
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poison in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl into my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be nicked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites me.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....
Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain
activity read their email with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now; it's too late.
--
Posted: 2008-08-15 00:26:29
Edit :
Quote
New Topic
Reply
