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Mom's Affair
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. One
day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her
husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.
The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover
end up in the closet together.
Boy - "It's dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - Remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!"
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Posted: 2002-08-08 03:52:00
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*LOLOL*
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Posted: 2002-08-08 04:09:00
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Viagra for Gramps
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going ?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."
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Posted: 2002-08-08 16:01:00
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Posted: 2002-08-08 18:12:00
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A mother and a baby camels were lazing around, and suddenly the baby camel ask...
Baby : Mother, mother, can I ask you some question?
Mother: Sure! why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby : Why do camels have humps?
Mother: Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.
Baby : Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded?
Mother: Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone! Said the mother proudly.
Baby : Okay, then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is bothering my sight.
Mother: My son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover.
They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind.
Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride.
Baby : I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert,
the legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in the zzzoo???
MORAL OF THE STORY IS
" SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCES ARE ONLY USEFUL IF YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT PLACE "
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Posted: 2002-08-11 18:44:00
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That's a funny one.
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Posted: 2002-08-11 18:57:00
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Posted: 2002-08-11 19:11:00
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Human Resource Lingo
COMPETITIVE SALARY We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
TOO PUSHY !!!
A lesson on being too pushy!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open."Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet."If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
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Posted: 2002-08-13 15:55:00
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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron." he man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
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Posted: 2002-08-13 19:04:00
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Cool keep them coming!!
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Posted: 2002-08-14 14:49:00
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