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Now THAT"S hilarious! I called everyone I knew and told them this one.
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Posted: 2009-09-16 03:03:42
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> How Fights Start
>
>
>
> My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping
> channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>
> I said, 'Dust.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
> Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
>
> "No," she answered.
>
> I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
>
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
> "Yes."
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And then the fight started....
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
> the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
> was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
> and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
>
> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
>
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
> slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
> just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
> Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
> looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
>
> So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>
>
> *****************************************
>
>
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
>
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
> expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
> verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
> curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
> staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
>
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
> I understand she took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I
> hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order
> first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
>
> Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And then the fight started...
>
>
>
> ******************************************
>
>
>
>
> A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not
> happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look
> old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
> And then the fight started.....
>
>

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Posted: 2009-09-23 23:43:45
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...
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Posted: 2009-09-23 23:52:45
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i have been dreaming up an animated version of it
ever since i read it
pity!! i dont even know to use photoshop.. forget about moving animation!!

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Posted: 2009-09-28 21:08:03
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INDONESIA JOKE
Department of Justice = Departemen Keadilan? Secretary of Treasury = Sekretaris Perbendaharaan? Departemen Agama = Department of God. Menteri Agama = Secretary of God.

Fashion = Fesyen? Ejaculation = Ejakulesyen?
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Nama?
Tony.
Nama Lengkap?
Auzubillah minasai Tony rojim
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Have pun.

FOODNOTE (it's foodnote, not bootnote. don't laugh, i'm baffled!)
apparently many publications speak worse english than me.
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Posted: 2009-10-04 06:34:00
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THAT is how Bhasa is!! didnt get the joke here

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Posted: 2009-10-04 11:45:32
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one of Morty Storm's creations.. but with some additions
Have read it soo often over the years, but never saw it at Esato
---------
Dog Named Sex

Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"


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Posted: 2009-10-04 11:48:56
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.
India and Pakistan's nuclear peeing contest...
India:"I can hit further than you!"
Pakistan:"No I can!"
India:"NO I can!!!"


found it funny
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Posted: 2009-10-04 19:04:07
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HUTCH
Q: How do you know somebody working for Hutch (NYSE: HTX) or Vodafone?
A: He who works for Hutch would sneeze: HUTCH.. HUTCH.. HUTCHIIIISON.

CHARON
Q: What would be Sharon Stone's name if she's born in Bangkok?
A: Charon Ctone.

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Posted: 2009-10-07 06:47:00
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Politics Explained The Kids Way


A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

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Posted: 2009-10-08 22:54:46
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