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How many women can a man marry?
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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Posted: 2010-09-20 22:32:54
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Posted: 2010-09-20 22:36:07
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I always like to mix business with pleasure.Last week I wore a vibrating suit at a board meeting. Sorry it was off the top of my head
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Posted: 2010-09-22 23:12:44
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A drunk is sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and
raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention.
She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the
bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink."
She gets her drink and goes away.
Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her
and yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink."
She gets her drink and goes away again.
The bartender asks the drunk how he knows that she is a ballerina
given that she is a stranger and has never been in the bar before.
The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift
her leg that high.
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Posted: 2010-09-22 23:41:03
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A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the
Olympic gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and
said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever
you do,don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The wrestler nodded in ackowledgment. As the match started, the American
and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an
opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbed the
American and wrapped him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried
his face in his hands he knew all was lost. He couldn't even watch the
ending.
Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer
raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian
flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and
the American collapsed on top of him, making
the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler
alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever
done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up
when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and
saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to
lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit
those babies just as hard as I could."
"So," the trainer exclaimed, "that finished him off, did it?"
"No, but you'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own
testicles!"
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Posted: 2010-09-22 23:49:14
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Posted: 2010-09-22 23:55:27
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A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous redhead eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
"Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.
They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.
The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replied....
.......... just the ones that catch my eye!"
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Posted: 2010-09-23 00:05:31
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Thought you might appreciate this one Bono
A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeeper. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeeper give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well.
The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers "barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here."
Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeeper another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.
The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeeper answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business.
The barkeeper responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again
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Posted: 2010-09-23 00:09:33
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What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
Pregnant!
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Posted: 2010-09-23 00:10:41
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Wow I love them classic jokes
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Posted: 2010-09-23 23:18:50
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