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I love to pamper my girlfriend after she's had a stressful day at work. I get her to text me when she is leaving so I can get the hot tap running,swirl around the foam & bubbles & time everything perfectly,so that when she walks through the door,the dishes are piled up & waiting for her
[ This Message was edited by: Bonovox on 2011-07-19 22:33 ]
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Posted: 2011-07-19 23:33:20
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Just after my wife had given birth,I asked the doctor "how soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"
He winked at me & said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes-meet me in the car park"
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Posted: 2011-07-19 23:40:53
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Posted: 2011-07-20 13:16:29
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Q: What do you call an afganistan virgin ? A: Osama mever bin laid on .
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Posted: 2011-07-20 14:30:47
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Q:Hw do you tell if a chick is too fat 2 f**k ?
A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them.
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Posted: 2011-07-20 14:34:38
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Whilst having a furious w**k over Tulisa from the X factor,I was interrupted by an impatient Louis Walsh. "Will ye hurry up son,we haven't got all day". Now what song would you like to sing for us??
[ This Message was edited by: Bonovox on 2011-08-23 22:02 ]
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Posted: 2011-08-23 23:01:36
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My Dear Husband
I am writing you letter to let you know that i am leaving you forever. From last 7 years, i had been your good wife and i didnt try to mock it.
Last two weeks were like a hell for me. Today your boss has called me and told that you have left the job. This news gave me the last shock. Last week, when you returned, you didnt even care to look at my new hair-style. I made your favourite dish for you but you have finished it in two minutes without a word. You didnt show your interest in my new silk dress and you just played your computer game and went to sleep. Now a days, you are not telling me that you love me. I think you dont want to continue our husband-wife relation. Either you are fooling me or you dont love me anymore. Whatever, i am leaving you.
Your Ex Wife
P.S. Dont try to find me. I am leaving for west virginia with your brother.
HUSBAND'S REPLY
My Dear Ex Wife
Your letter has really made my day.
It is truth that we had been married for last 7 years and it is also fact that you have no virtue of a good wife. Just because of your daily continuous fights, arguments and quarrels, i play more computer games. I did saw your new fresh hair-style but it seemed more of a 'Boy' type to me. My mother tought me that when there is nothing to praise, dont condemn. So i kept mum. While preparing my favourite dish for me, you messed it with my brother's favourite dish because i have already left eating pork dish for last 7 years. When i saw the price tag of 49.99 dollars on your new silk dress, i ran away. What a coincidence. My brother had just borrowed 50 dollars from me that morning.
Despite of all these, i loved you and believed that we will make a way out of this. Thats why, on winning the lottery of ten million dollars, i left the job and booked tickets on cruise to Jamaica for us. But when i returned home, you have already left. I believe what so ever is happening, is happening for good.
I hope that you get the satisfactory life which you have always wished. My lawyer told me that because of your letter, now you will not have even a cent from me.
Take Care
Your Rich and free Ex Husband.
P.S. I dont remember whether i have told you this or not but my brother, Karl was born as karla. I hope this doesnt matter to you.
[ This Message was edited by: ceaser2008 on 2011-09-02 09:20 ]
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Posted: 2011-09-02 10:05:29
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That's harsh
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Posted: 2011-09-04 19:00:19
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Beer Prayer:
OUR LAGER WHICH ART IN BARRELS,
HALLOWED BE THY DRINK
THY WILL BE DRUNK
AT HOME AS IT IS IN PUBS
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR FOAMY HEADS
AND FORGIVE OUR SPILLAGES
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SPILL AGAINST US
AND LEAD US NOT INTO INCARCERATION
BUT DELIVER US FROM HANG OVERS
FOREVER AND EVER
BAR MEN
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Posted: 2011-09-06 23:47:55
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Four Jamaicans were sitting around a camp fire near the beach. They were all philosophising on what was the fastest thing in the world. Seymour said, "Me tink de fasses ting is a thought,because b4 u can tink it, it already thought."
Winston said,"Nah,man,de fasses ting is a blink,cos b4 you tink 2 blink you dun blink already."
"Delroy said, "No man,da fasses thing is helectricity because when you turn on de lite,it travel fass & de lite come on.
Leroy said "Nah,man you aaaaaaaalllllll wrong man!! I know dat for a fact dat de fasses ting in de world is definite diarrhoea,cos las nite b4 I could tink,blink,or switch on de lite,me shit meself".
[ This Message was edited by: Bonovox on 2011-11-07 18:49 ]
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Posted: 2011-11-07 19:46:52
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