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Loved the 5 stages !!!!
lol, keep em coming
wooooo
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Posted: 2002-08-29 23:25:00
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Yeah it was funny
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Posted: 2002-08-30 11:45:00
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late
one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard.
"Come have a look over here", says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's
grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's
nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole.
It says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when
he was 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone
marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
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Posted: 2002-08-31 14:37:00
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Why do people take an instant dislike to Arsenal ??
It saves time.
Why do Arsenal fans whistle on the toilet ??
So they know which end to wipe.
Why do Arsenal men like smart women ??
Opposites attract.
What do you call an Arsenal fan in a 3 bedroom semi ??
A burglar.
What do you say to an Arsenal fan with a job ??
"can I have a Big Mac!"
What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit ??
The accused.
Did you hear about the Conservative MP who was found dead in an Arsenal strip?
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarassment.
Did you hear the one about the kid who asked for a cowboy outfit for Christmas ??
His Dad got him an Arsenal kit.
What do you call an Arsenal fan with half a brain ??
Gifted.
How do the braincells of an Arsenal fan die ??
Alone.
How do you make an Arsenal fan's eyes light up ??
Shine a torch in his ears.
Why should you not allow Arsenal fans a coffee break at work ??
Because it takes too long to retrain them.
What do you call the Arsenal team standing ear to ear ??
A wind tunnel.
Why did the Arsenal fan get sacked from the M & M factory ??
He kept throwing out the W's.
What do you call a fly inside an Arsenal fans head ??
A Space Invader.
A is for Arse, a team that's truly awful
B is for Boring, boring boring Arsen*l
C is for Corruption, bung and all
D is for Donkey, who can't kick a ball
E is for Endsleigh, that's where they belong
F is for Fine, they'll be paying another before long
G is for Graham, the most successful chief
H is for Ha Ha Ha, he was really a thief
I is for Incidents, in a past they can't bury
J is for Jensen, who didn't score too many
K is for Kill, that's what they do to the game
L is for Laugh, when they bring it into shame
M is for Merson, who sniffed up a line
N is for Nayim, from the half way line
O is for Offside, their favourite tactic
P is for Paris, and we were ecstatique
Q is for Quick, get past the back four
R is for Rubbish, 'cos they're really that poor
S is for Sunday, in April '91
T is for Tottenham, who beat the scum 3-1
U is for Ugly, so much of it, it should really be in a bank
W is for Wank, Ian Wank, Wank, Wank
Y is for Why, are they such a big bore
Z is for Zero, 'cos that's all that they score
Q. How long has Tony Adams played for Arsen*l?
A. Donkeys years.
Q. How many Arsen*l players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Eleven - one to change it and ten to play the offside trap.
Heard the one about David Seaman? He never keeps a clean sheet.
When Gazza scored at Wembley, Seaman was all over the place.
Q. What's the difference between Paul Merson and the rest of the Arsen*l team?
A. One takes dope and the rest are dopes.
Q. What have Paul Merson and a can of Coca Cola got in common?
A. Their both red and white and full of coke.
Q. Why is the pitch at Highb*ry so green?
A. Because they keep putting lots of shit on it.
Q. Where do Arsen*l players / fans go to die?
A. (Answer needed, apply within)
Q. Where do Arsen*l players / fans go on holiday?
A. (Answer needed, apply within)
666 - The number of the beast. 6 - The number of the donkey.
Q. How come Arsen*l fans don't fall asleep during a match?
A. The smell of their ground keeps them awake.
Q. What's the highest selling item in the Arsen*l souvenir shop?
A. Pro-plus (sleep repellant).
Q. What's the second highest selling item in the Arsen*l souvenir shop?
A. Horlicks.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
George.
George who?
You're on the jury!
Q. What is the difference between Paul Merson and a former Arsen*l player, surname George?
A. One Charlie shoots, the other shoots Charlie.
Q. What is the difference between Jon Pertwee and Ray Parlour?
A. Ray Parlour still looks like Worzel Gummidge.
Q. At Highb*ry, what is the difference between the words 'disciplinary' and 'football'?
A. 'Disciplinary' is the only one associated with the word 'action'
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Posted: 2002-09-02 00:23:00
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Posted: 2002-09-02 01:18:00
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The top six reasons computers must be female:
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
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Posted: 2002-09-04 01:34:00
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A bloke starts his first day at the zoo and is given three tasks. The
first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds, so he starts on this
when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is well pissed off
and not wanting a fish to get the better of him he beats the offending
fish to death with a spade. Realising that his boss is not going to be
best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish.He hits on
the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions eat
anything, so he throws the fish into the lions cage. He then moves onto
his second task of the day,which is to clear out the monkey house.He
goes in and a couple of the chimps start to throw coconuts at him.
Unamused, he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them
instantly.He's well worried now, so what does he do? He feeds the chimps
to the lions, as we know lions eat anything. He hurls them into the
lion's cage and off he goes to his next task. His last job is to collect
honey from the South American bees.He gets the hive open and the bees
swarm out and start attacking him. Alarmed he grabs his spade and starts
smashing the bees as hard as he can;squashing them to death.By this
point he's not too worried about the death of the bees as he knows what
to do by now. He throws them into the lion's cage, because lions eat
anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.It saunters up to
another lion and says "So what's the food like in here?" The other lion
says:"Magic! Absolutely brilliant, today we had fish, chimps and mushy
bees".
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Posted: 2002-09-04 10:19:00
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Adam & Eve
Why is it that Adam and Eve could not have been Chinese?
Because if Satan took the form of a snake and tempted them to eat the forbidden fruit, Eve would have said, "Quick, Adam! Catch the snake also! Snake also can eat, mah!"
Why is it that Adam and Eve could not have been Malay?
Because if Satan took the form of a snake and tempted them to eat the forbidden fruit, both Adam and Eve would have said to him, "Rilek lah! Tomorrow also can eat!"
Why is that Adam and Eve could not have been Indian?
Because they would have conned the snake into eating the apple.
Drive You Mad
One day, Mr. Choe Seng Lee walked into a bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Batam on Business for two days and needed to borrow $5000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for the loan.
Mr. Choe then handed over the keys to his Mercedes that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee then drove the Mercedes into the bank's carpark and parked it there. Two days later Mr. Choe returned and repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $13.07.
The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a bit puzzled. While you were away, we checked and found that you are a very rich contractor. Why would you need to borrow $5,000?"
Mr. Choe replied, "Aiyah, where else in Singapore can I park my car for 2 days for 13 dollars and with security officers to guard somemore?"
Starting Young
One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, an Indonesian and a Singaporean.
However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.
However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"
At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Indonesian baby and said, "Clean that up!"
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Posted: 2002-09-25 14:17:00
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,
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Posted: 2002-10-13 01:41:00
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?
Tequilla!
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Posted: 2002-10-16 20:41:00
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