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heard it before... somewhere...
but anyways...
The wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
One of the world's first male blonde joke
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
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Posted: 2002-10-20 08:28:00
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here's some:
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and the refrigerator.
How do you know if its time to do housework?
Look down in your pants. If you have a penis, it isn't time.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What makes a woman and a toilet seat alike?
If they didn't have a hole they wouldn't be good for shit.
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Posted: 2002-10-21 04:34:00
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some more 4 the road:
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery."
The wife says, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?
He says, "I don't care. Just get the f**k out."
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Posted: 2002-10-21 04:36:00
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and then some:
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
- Two mother-in-laws.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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Posted: 2002-10-21 04:37:00
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here's another:
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100..... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!" said the cop.
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.
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Posted: 2002-10-21 04:38:00
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last one b4 i go"
One day, an American was touring Spain. After his day's sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant.
While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senior, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's balls from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senior. There is only one serving a day since there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, He called to the waiter and said, "These are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
yesterday!"
The waiter promptly replied, "Si senior! Sometimes the bull wins!"
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Posted: 2002-10-21 04:39:00
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Posted: 2002-10-21 12:46:00
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ShawO - that first-ever male blonde joke is just an old Englishman Irishman Scotsman joke with the names changed. Still funny tho, oldes but goodies
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Posted: 2002-10-21 14:34:00
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ah... no wonder it sounded so familiar
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Posted: 2002-10-21 15:32:00
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i haf lots more from where that came from......but lemme get home to my pc 1st......in suspense...hahahaha.....wait 4 me ok....cheers!!
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Posted: 2002-10-22 06:00:00
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