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Here you go.
__________________________________________________________
Dear Supervisors
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however,
realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your
feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that
proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
And when the f**k do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No nice way.
TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You've got to be shitting me!
TRY SAYING
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF
Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF
It's not my nice problem.
TRY SAYING
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF
What the f**k?
TRY SAYING
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF
This shit won't work.
TRY SAYING
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF
He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF
Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF
Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF
f**k it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF
Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF
This job sucks.
TRY SAYING
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF
Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING
I see.
INSTEAD OF
Blow me.
TRY SAYING
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF
He's a prick.
TRY SAYING
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF
She's a ball-busting bitch.
TRY SAYING
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF
You don't know what the f**k you're doing.
Thank You, Human Resources
--
Posted: 2002-06-22 23:28:00
Edit :
Quote
"My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7" -
David
Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
league" -
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's
the
only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager
I've
ever had." - David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed
at
the end of the day." - Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of
which
were disputable." - Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully
after that as well." - Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win
the
World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." - Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but
let
me state that I don't want to leave Leicester." - Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the
screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My
first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there
playing."
- Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." - Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." - Ugo Ehiogu
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in
Middlesborough." - Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." -
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
-Ian Rush
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out
there today." - Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right
sock." - Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what
religion yet." - David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more
European."
- Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." -
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." - Johnny
Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." - Thierry Henry.
--
Posted: 2002-06-22 23:36:00
Edit :
Quote
hahahaha
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 05:51:00
Edit :
Quote
mark, now that is some GOOD SHIT
especially those quotes
))
where do you get em from?
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 07:53:00
Edit :
Quote
From work. People e-mail them to me. I put the good ones up on here
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 20:58:00
Edit :
Quote
keep em coming
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 21:32:00
Edit :
Quote
Yeah I will do. I'll should get some more tommorrow.
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 21:34:00
Edit :
Quote
they are great yes more tomorrow great where do you get them from
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 22:01:00
Edit :
Quote
I get them from work. I'll post some more tomorrow afternoon
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 22:10:00
Edit :
Quote
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I
take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
--
Posted: 2002-06-23 23:41:00
Edit :
Quote
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