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LITTLE BILLY ON ...GETTING OLDER
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own nice business!!"
*****************************************************LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little BILLY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides
of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top
and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
*****************************************************LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH:
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the nice difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
*****************************************************LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
BILLY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
*****************************************************LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just nice beautiful!"
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Posted: 2002-06-23 23:48:00
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great joke superb little billy
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Posted: 2002-06-24 08:54:00
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Posted: 2002-06-24 16:11:00
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Strang Sex Laws
1. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but
theb animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals,
but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Makes you hope you never need surgery!)
3. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This
also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
4. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Whoa!)
5. There are men in Guam whose full time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
6. In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover,
on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah Justice!)
7. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
8. In Cali,Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and
the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)
9. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her daughter at the same time. (This was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
10. In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines
with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only"in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."(Is this a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam, though
!!)
(PS - These were sent to me, I didn't mean to offend no one in fact I don't even know if thier true. I guess they are, I once had a site with dumb laws from around the world, I'll try to find it for you T.M.)
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Posted: 2002-06-24 17:18:00
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Posted: 2002-06-24 17:37:00
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Sorry I have no more jokes today, Maybe there will be some tomorrow
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Posted: 2002-06-24 17:57:00
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Here is the site I promised you
www2.dumblaws.com
It might be slow or not work at all since they have a lot of traffic lately.
T.M.
[ This Message was edited by: Unibond on 2002-06-24 17:05 ]
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Posted: 2002-06-24 18:04:00
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great jokes
the weird laws (mainly) sex ones
some probably are true but i doubt that some of them are true
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Posted: 2002-06-24 18:26:00
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I'll have a look then
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Posted: 2002-06-24 18:28:00
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Last week I was with one of my summer interns in the lobby when
receptionist complained that her printer wasn't working. The intern
horsed around with it and discovered a pen stuck inside the
printer.
He started to jam his fingers down into the printer to get the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabs a piece of paper and starts scrawling on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
This is what he found.
Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.
NOW YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURE........
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Posted: 2002-06-24 18:44:00
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