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@eleventy: thank a lot!!!
A woman walks into her sex thearapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it? The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills? The therapist replies she dosn't know but says to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before. She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills? The therapist once again tells her to give it a try. The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better. She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle would do to a person. The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee. A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: are you the "idiot" who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra? Why yes young man I did, Why? Well mom's dead My sister's Pregnant, My A-- Hurts And Dad just sits in the corner going, "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty..."
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...three men walking aimlessly in the dessert, dying of thirst. they came upon a castle. inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. for a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with the many beautiful women. after a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. as he walked into his castle he found three men with his women. pissed off, the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. then the king said that each of them would be severely punished according to their occupation. the king goes up the first man and demands to know his occupation. the first man replies, "FIREMAN, the king tells his army, "Burn off his penis!!!". then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. hesitating, the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a POLICEMAN". the king ordered, shoot off his penis. finally the king went up to the third man and asked for his occupation. with a huge SMILE on the face the man replied, "I'm a LOLLIPOP vendor".........
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Happy meeh!
[ This Message was edited by: ('',)bluemint on 2003-04-02 14:06 ]
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Posted: 2003-04-02 15:01:00
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okay here is a naughty one:
2 men was having anal sex! And then the man with the knob inside the exit hole say: Hey im tirsty and damm im worth it im going to the kitcheen to get me some water. Okay im off to the kitcheen so dont play with your knob wile im gone okay i dont wana miss anything. They agree no hanky panky when he is off to get water in the kitcheen. So wile he the tirsty man is drinking water in the kitcheen he hear a strange sound kind of like: Frrrtfloff!! The man goes back to the bedroom for some more hankypanky. But he finds the bedroom coverd with sperm! The man screams: Hey i said dont play with your knob wile i was gone! The other man replays: I just farted.
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Posted: 2003-04-02 15:28:00
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oh sweet jesus, sister!!!
no lunch 4 me today...
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Posted: 2003-04-02 16:23:00
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bluemint - first one oldie-but-goodie, second one goodie
bjerk - nice one m8!
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Posted: 2003-04-02 18:35:00
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It once was a swedish dude renting an apartment from a norwegian in Oslo. The swedish duude finds a human shitt on the floor one day! So he picks it up in his hand and walks up to his norwegian landlord and say: I ALMOST STEPD IN THIS ONE!
The sweeds are so lame in there head
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Posted: 2003-04-02 21:17:00
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Two guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want," said the farmer.
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer.
The farmer says,"now shove em' all up your ass."
The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then e starts to laugh.
"Why you laughing?" asked the farmer.
To which the man replied, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"
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Posted: 2003-04-02 22:38:00
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Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the
beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, Damn,
I was running late this morning after my workout and after I
showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to
the station to get them.
George replied, We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit,
Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you.
It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the
station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fidos nose shoots
between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of
sniffing, Fidos ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off
in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no
sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.
Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.
The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen
police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's
balls in his mouth.
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Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.
However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup, I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop freaquency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon.
"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now," the waiter said.
I was rather impressed.
Then I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why have that string right there?"
"Not everyone is as observant as you," the waiter replied. "That consulting firm I mentioned also found that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?" I asked.
"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and, that way, eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked.
"Well," he whispered, lower his voice, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
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Posted: 2003-04-03 14:50:00
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Now that's funny stuff !
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Posted: 2003-04-03 21:05:00
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I love the one with monkey!
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Posted: 2003-04-04 02:26:00
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i serious guys....me sides are aching
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Posted: 2003-04-04 13:26:00
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