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chill out man!!! i was only joking... take it easy!
how serious can u get on a joke thread?
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Posted: 2003-05-07 13:00:00
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Posted: 2003-05-07 18:59:00
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shut up arguing or mummy won't let u have a lollipop when u get home!
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Posted: 2003-05-07 19:01:00
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Quote:
On 2003-05-07 13:00, cyanx7 wrote:
chill out man!!! i was only joking... take it easy!
how serious can u get on a joke thread?
Dude I was only messing with ya.,
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Posted: 2003-05-07 19:36:00
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A priest was driving along and saw nun on the side of the road he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
The priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear
lets his hand slide up her leg. She immediately says "Father remember
psalm 129."
The priest apologizes profusely and removes his hand but is unable to
remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he changes gear and has oggled at her leg for the
zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once
again says "Father remember psalm 129"
Once again the priest apologizes "Sorry sister but you know the flesh
is weak."
Arriving at the convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his
way.
Once he arrives at his church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm
129 it said: "GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY"
***************
How to measure your penis:
1. Disrobe and stand by your keyboard. Rest your left testicle in the rounded hollow on top of the "1" key. Rest your right testicle in the key immediately below that (the Q key on a standard keyboard, probably something different on the Dvorak keyboard. You lumberjacks may have to use the A or even the Z key).
2. Grasp your thing in your right hand and slap it firmly across the number key row on your keyboard. (For instance, my result is ``1234567890-+'' the backspace key removes the "=")
3. Place a copy of the June, 1981 Playboy open to the centerfold at a distance of 2.5 feet. Rest your thing on the keyboard and stare intently at the girl pictured for five minutes or until your feet leave the ground. Repeat the above test.
Cautions
1. Do not attempt this test after swimming. You will skew the results.
2. Black men may wish to use a special extended keyboard, or place two keyboards end to end.
3. If you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want to swab it down with alcohol first.
4. On some keyboards, severe sparking may result. Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher handy, and DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE IT. Test can also be used to diagnose some genital disorders.
Test Results Diagnosis
1 -- You suffer from Short Penis Syndrome
12367 -- You have a strange gap in your penis
12efgbn -- Your penis has a right hand bend; sometimes called Jerker's Lean.
12wgui,l=]\ -- Seek immediate medical care.
_________________
Mornin.
Deize![ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-05-07 20:13 ]
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Posted: 2003-05-07 21:11:00
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Anything you can do...
Feat of strength.
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
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Posted: 2003-05-08 14:49:00
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feel free to join in whenever you're all ready!
Aunt Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her husband.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she
took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself
in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a
burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just
exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor told her that her heart would be just below her left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot
wound to her knee.
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Posted: 2003-05-09 14:39:00
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looks like me again
An old farmer and his brand new young bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the younger horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the young tender horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little while, the gelding stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride scolded him,
"That was so stupid!"
The farmer said, "That's once."
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Posted: 2003-05-09 19:24:00
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Where you getting all these joke from.., I don't get sent that many
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Posted: 2003-05-09 22:29:00
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i don't get sent them, just trawl my vast database in my head for them
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Posted: 2003-05-10 11:57:00
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