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@ brix, sosial might be right, but the question is, should you change for someone? and the answer is, that depends what you want, and what you are willing to do for that. But I do not like the idea of having to change for someone. Relationships are all about giving, not about changing. You accept the person for who they are, not for what you can make them, or what they may become one day.
And also in the same breath, you look for the type of girl where she will be at. A slut will be at a brothel and a good girl at a church. Then again, you cannot be a pimp and walk into a church and walk out 5 minutes later with the most amazing woman in the world and live happily ever after. (Unless you are as smooth as sunlight soap on a wet bathroom floor) You do get the exceptions, but I believe one has to decide what you want out of life, and work towards that.
I met a girl this weekend, and she was the type of girl that just inspires me to want to be a better guy. I sometimes just want to stay away from girls like that, almost afraid I might spoil them....
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Posted: 2006-09-28 15:36:45
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On 2006-09-28 13:53:46, brix25 wrote:
I want my ex gf back, even though she says she still loves me she's putting a whole lot of obstacles in the path of us being together...like my lack of religion and my partying antics (which is overrated). What can I do to make this woman come back apart from spraying muti on her food?
what my fiance always tell me dude... Compromise
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Posted: 2006-09-28 16:09:00
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It would be wrong to "find religion" simply for her sake, although it may be appropriate to really explain to her what your point of view encompasses, boet. The partying is probably the easiest thing to forego, i suppose. What most women want, in my experience, is to know that you belong to them and only them. No straying eyes, or even harmless flirting. You'll need to make her feel as if your world revolves around HER and only her...
"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."- theodore roosevelt
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Posted: 2006-09-28 16:15:00
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Just one point. We all change. It's inevitable.
Sometimes we change by choice. Others by force.
The hardest thing to do is force yourself to change. But its usually the most productive.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams
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Posted: 2006-09-28 16:37:29
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Thanks for all the sage advice...I know this is mobile forum but sometime one needs to ask these questions.
I want to marry this girl but the price she's asking me to pay is too much...I don't want to lie to her about my faith, if it was not for this issue we'd probably be planning our wedding.
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Posted: 2006-09-28 16:50:20
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Brix, then it's time for open cards on the table, boeta. Speak from the heart, tell it like it is, maybe even go so far as to show her these posts. If nothing else, they truly reflect your feelings...
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Posted: 2006-09-28 17:17:00
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I'd go along with most of what has been posted about this. Yes, the 'jolling' issue is a trillion times easier to address, and if anything, da brixsta's sincerity shines through in his posts re his stance about religion.
THAT sincerity is indeed a commendable trait, as long as her religion or beliefs is not negatively criticised, scorned or joked with, even in a light-hearted manner if she's that devout and sensitive. I'm not saying you do though..none of us know all the facts.
Sincerity/honesty is (obviously) so damn important, and this builds on that other quality so needed to make it work: TRUST.
She would obviously be smart enough to click that if brix was to make an effort to get to know religion, or make a concerted start by eg. going with her to church or wherever, that he would be doing it purely as an effort to win her over, (and then that could lose even more brownie points. )
On the other hand, you might re-emphasise your stance re religion, but she may appreciate that you have at least bothered to go with her, even if you don't believe and don't participate, or feel compelled to participate,which would obviously be false. BUT the fact that you at least made an effort to listen to what has been said could make her feel that you are not overly dogmatic or whatever.
You'd be the best judge on that one.
Nothing may come of it, but at least you have tried to listen or see things from another perspective, whether you agree with them or not.
If she is a devout Christian, she would probably stand firm on the 'unequally yoked' principle/ teaching, ie. cautioning about marrying someone who is not a Christian, which I guess from what is being posted on this thread, is the main stumbling block. What an obstacle.
But as Kryptik said, put the cards on the table. Brixster, I've been there myself,not as regards the same issue but with other difficult obstacles with ex'es in the past...
It's either gonna work, or you're gonna have to try and move on and spread your horizons, as f%$Ģing difficult as it may be, otherwise your feelings for her are gonna literally eat you up from the inside.
I sincerely hope the former happens for you guys.
[ This Message was edited by: amawanqa on 2006-09-28 17:08 ]
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Posted: 2006-09-28 18:04:56
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On 2006-09-28 18:04:56, amawanqa wrote:
"I sincerely hope the former happens for you guys."
Aye aye, i wholeheartedly second that motion!!!
On a lighter note, maybe there's an opportunity for JZ to make some money from his rendition of Mshini Wami. The
Herald had this to say:
"...LOVE it or hate it, Jacob Zuma's rendition of Mshini Wami has become hot property among trendy teens. While the controversial song may no longer be heard as often now that Zuma's supporters are not singing it outside the courtroom, it is by no means dead and buried. In fact, anyone who is young and trendy is trying to get his or her hands on the ring tone. However, a spokesman for cellphone content company Exactmobile said there were no plans to introduce the revolution song as a product..."
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Posted: 2006-09-28 18:53:00
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@da wanqsta: Although I don't have a positive view of religious fundamentalists, I went with her to church when she asked me to and never mocked her brand of Christianity...we managed to love each other through all these issues...hell we still love each other but the major stumbling block for me was our differences when it came to ideas on raising children...I told her that I didn't want my kids to be "indoctrinated"...she took offense, a couple of months later we broke up and although we've remained friends things have not been the same.
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Posted: 2006-09-28 19:13:45
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@ da brixsta,
Well then despite that, another 2 feathers in your cap that she might well reflect on:
1. you respected her beliefs and stance enough to not mock or deride them, (but I can understand how a word like 'indoctrinated' may have triggered her reaction.)
2. The fact that you made the effort to accompany her to church and at the least listen to what has been delivered there, despite your views, shows more openness and willingness to listen than many of the staunch fundamentalist types within some Christian circles that you are referring to.
Brix, about that first point, I can appreciate and understand your viewpoint.
Maybe you and your ex could sit down somewhere romantic, talk it through and let your future offspring have the freedom to decide if they want to attend on their own free will... I dunno, but if you guys really love each other that much, would this not be perhaps a fair way around the issue?
Hell, I probably sound like a wanqing wannabe Dr. Spock now!
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Posted: 2006-09-28 20:47:05
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