>
New Topic
>
Reply<
Esato Forum Index
>
General discussions >
Garbage threads
> Post Your funny Jokes Here
Bookmark topic
emptying my email
--
Posted: 2003-06-22 18:43:47
Edit :
Quote
Owww, there's more of the same...:Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha ha) only that it would be a martyr.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A.P.D.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because he was an evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the run!
*yawn*
--
Posted: 2003-06-22 19:21:29
Edit :
Quote
hehe great vlamm
--
Posted: 2003-06-22 20:31:31
Edit :
Quote
PLEASE DON'T LAUGH
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen."
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 03:03:43
Edit :
Quote
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 06:46:53
Edit :
Quote
Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
(two things require clarification)
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It's not about system power, it's about operating system, and the system operator's competence.
It probably refers to Independence Day.
The invading aliens had insect-like social structure - they would be completely loyal to their higher cause, and would not rebel, let alone break access into computers - so in such a society there would be no hacking, no viri, no data leaks. Likewise, there would be no security issues (Microsoft would reign supreme
), so computers would be very easily accessed from outside, as no computer security would be implemented. Since no member of the 'hive' would ever deliberately let harm happen to anyone of his fellow race, everone could have access to everything - including the infamous shields.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
This is so simple, it hurts. An electrified (sp!) fence made of a good conductor should have an about equal potential (voltage) in each point (maybe only about one thousandth percent lower in points between power delivery modules), which should equalise on the entire fence (so even if one of the power suppliers went down, the fence should have lower potential on its entire length. That means that a boy clutching a fence would be exposed to voltage (between limbs) not higher than 0,01 volts (a rough estimate). Human body is also far more resistive than wires, so there would be next to none current moving through him.
The only moment of shock would be when the power was turning on (which is shown in the movie) - until electrons find the best path, they move chaotically, so some of them could move through his body, albeit for a short time, causing shock, but not actually being significant enough to kill or do any lasting damage. What makes me wonder more is how the boy survived a ten metre fall on his back and didn't get his spine broken...
Another simple to notice thing: have you seen birds sitting on power wires? Their voltage is high enough to kill a man in fraction of seconds, let alone a small bird. The trick is - they have the same potential on each of their members touching a wire. Had they touched another wire, or the ground, they would be toast.
The same would happen in Jurrasic Park - had the boy been standing on the ground instead of having his legs reaching the same potential as his arms, he would be toast in seconds (I'm not referring to being dead, but being literally roasted there).
The voltage applied was DC, not AC, and that means that the voltage would quickly stabilise on the fence, and not change directions, so the shock (had he clung to the fence) would be one-time, and without repeating. Had it been AC, he would not "fall off", but alternating current (AC) would keep him clung to the fence, and eventually kill him - if not immediately on the fence, then by causing prolonged heart disorder (prolonged is a bad word here, since he would live minutes, and (depending on the time he would be clung) they would have no possibility to help him (especially without specialistic equipment).
Edit:
Oh, and had a dinosaur been clung to said fence with all fours, and not touching the ground with his tail, he would have survived as well, feeling only a small tingle. Moreover, dinosaurs could very easily break down such an eletrified fence by simply jumping on it, and jumping off, without touching either the fence, or the ground
simultaneously.
[ This Message was edited by: toughluck on 2003-06-23 09:37 ]
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 10:29:51
Edit :
Quote
Oh boy, and here I was, thinking this was the
joke-thread!!! Thanks tough luck, for helping me out.
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 19:49:52
Edit :
Quote
Oh, yeah, that's right - forgot about one thing:
[ This Message was edited by: toughluck on 2003-06-23 19:51 ]
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 20:50:47
Edit :
Quote
i know this isnt a joke, but a questions, i have nowhere else to put it. how do you get all the smilies, is there a list somewhere, i know the obvious ones
etc, but what about the others?
just one, its naff (and old):
whats blue and f**ks grannies?
hypothermia.
whats red and cant turn round in corridors?
a baby with a javelin through its head
Ho ho ho
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 21:12:04
Edit :
Quote
when you post again, look at the bottom and there will be a link to
smilies
the third option under ur post hit smilies, it'll take you to FAQ
good luck
(also, other ones can be inserted as a regular picture form the net)
--
Posted: 2003-06-23 21:16:45
Edit :
Quote
New Topic
Reply
