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A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,
"I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple
of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears
out of nowhere "
__________________________________1. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we know?
2. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
4. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
5. And while we're on the subject, why do "fat chance" and "slim chance"
mean the same thing?
6. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
7. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
8. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
there?
9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
10. Why is it called "after dark"? Isn't it really "after light"?
11. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
12. Why do "wise man" and "wise guy" have opposite meanings?
13. What about overlook and oversee? They have opposite meanings too.
14. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
15. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
16. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
17. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
18. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read alright?
19. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
20. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know
the batteries are dead?
21. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
22. This is the one you'll all be thinking about for a while ...
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
--
Posted: 2003-06-26 14:45:28
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@toughluck
we're waiting for your reply anxiously
--
Posted: 2003-06-26 22:55:32
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Fact : A woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into
an inch diameter vagina in pitch dark without
looking, but cannot park a 6ft long car in a
7th long parking space in daylight!
-----------------
The 69 position is like driving in rush hour, the
asshole is always in front of you!
-----------------
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not
tell. They do not swell and there are no wedding bells!
------------------
The Pussy Poem
This is a hole that never heals,
the more you rub it the better it feels.
But all the soap from here to hell,
can never remove that f**kig smell.
-----------------
Question : What is the difference between a chicken
and a baby?
Answer : A chicken is the result of a SITTING HEN
whereas a baby is the result of a STANDING
COCK!
------------------
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we
would be still be in paradise. Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of
the bloody apple!
------------------
Q : Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
A : Because their balls flop over their asshole
and this causes an airlock!
-------------------
Q : What is the difference between a black and a white
fairy tale?
A : White begins "Once upon a time......."
Black begins "Y'all mo'fuckers a'int gonna believe
this shit......"
---------------------
Q : What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE
CURTAIN?
A : When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is
over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is
SHOWTIME!
---------------------
Q : What is the similarity between a wife and a
chewing gum?
A : Both are sweet in the beginning but become
tasteless and shapeless later.
---------------------
Q : What is the strongest muscle?
A : Tongue. Because it can raise woman's hip with
just one lick.
Q : What is the lightest muscle?
A : Penis. Because it can be raised by a woman's
lips!
--
Posted: 2003-06-27 03:14:51
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haha
props 2 shits
--
Posted: 2003-06-27 07:28:09
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Simon Simpleton applied for a deputy sheriff's job. During the interview, the sheriff asked hin, "What's one and one?"
Simon answered, "Eleven"
This wasn't what the sheriff meant, but he had to admit the boy was right.
Next question: "What two days of the week start with the letter T?"
"Today and tomorrow"
The sheriff was impressed by the way Simon thought outside the box, so he challenged him.
"Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Simon looked surprised and admitted, "I don't know"
"Well go home and work on that one for a while" replied the sheriff, satisfied that he'd stumped him.
Simon went home and told his mother, "The interview went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case"
______________________________
"Young man, where do you work?" the judge asked the defendant
"Here and there" replied the man
"What do you do for a living?"
"This and that"
"Take him away" said the judge
"Wait a minute!" the defendant cried out. "When will I be released?"
The judge replied "Sooner or later"
--
Posted: 2003-06-27 07:41:24
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On a business trip in Mexico, three men get drunk and wake up in jail to
learn they will be executed, although none of them can recall what they
did to deserve it.
The first man put in the electric chair is asked for his last words.
"I'm from Yale Divinity School, and believe in the power of God to intervene
on behalf of the innocent."
The switch is thrown, but nothing happens. The jailers figure God wants
the man alive and they let him go.
The second man is strapped in. "I'm from Harvard Law School, and believe
in the power of justice to intervene on behalf of the innocent."
The switch is thrown; again, nothing. The jailers think the law is on this
man's side, so they let him go.
The last man says, "Well, I'm an electrical engineer from MIT, and you're
not electrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires
down there."
________________________________________________________
A business man got on an elevator in a tall building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
saying,"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again answers "S-H-I-T."
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T - - - Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
--
Posted: 2003-06-27 14:57:06
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--
Posted: 2003-06-28 06:12:42
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haha
where do u guys get this stuff?
--
Posted: 2003-06-29 07:29:35
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the big jokes database on the 5mb Hard-drive in my head
--
Posted: 2003-06-29 16:55:15
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A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done
anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to
the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of
high-testosterone bikers who
were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but
they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily
tattooed
biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his
nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now
or you'll
answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago."
--
Posted: 2003-06-30 14:49:07
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