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that's another oldie-but-goodie
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Posted: 2003-07-04 14:36:42
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***** The First Time *****
The sky was blue, the moon was high
We were close, she and I
Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
I didn’t know how, I did my best
Placing my hands upon her breast
I trembled with fear, my fast beating heart
As she slowly spread her legs apart
At last I was finished, it’s all over now
My first experience with milking a cow
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Posted: 2003-07-04 15:29:22
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Posted: 2003-07-04 19:28:09
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The following is an actual question given on a
Cambridge University chemistry exam. The answer by one
student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as
well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant. One student, however,
wrote the following answer:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate that
souls are moving into Hell and the rate they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are ! leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:
* If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
* If Hell is expanding ! at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me
by Teresa during my first year, "...that it will be a
cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take
into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and will not freeze.
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Posted: 2003-07-04 21:29:59
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that's brilliant! the guy/girl deserves a medal!
_________________
Mornin.
[ This Message was edited by: Eleventy7 on 2003-07-05 11:32 ]
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Posted: 2003-07-05 12:31:27
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Posted: 2003-07-05 22:55:03
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@jowi
nice one
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Posted: 2003-07-06 12:34:40
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haha that's golden!
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Posted: 2003-07-07 05:30:19
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An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe, and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him."Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled,
"White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
________________________________________________________
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn
a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " ..." ALL DRINKS 10
CENTS !". They look at each other, then go in.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on
in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be,
Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask
for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says,
"That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their
curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and
so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the
bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a
dime apiece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always
wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and
decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor,
beer, all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped
at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the
end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't
ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and
asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're
from Florida, they're waiting for happy hour."
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Posted: 2003-07-07 14:43:49
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u da man eleventy7
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Posted: 2003-07-08 06:08:42
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