>
New Topic
>
Reply<
Esato Forum Index
>
General discussions >
Non mobile discussion
> Methylated_Spirits One-Liners Club
Bookmark topic
I know thers a jokes thread, but they are all long, windy cut'n' paste jobs. I love cheesy one-liners! Lets hear all your one-liners, folks! The are the jokes of the future. Heres a selection of "Methylated Classics"... Will your joke become a Methylated Classic? It's the top award for one-liners, as nominated by...me!
Whats black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
I used to be a contortionist, but i couldn't make ends meet.
How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter.
Have you seen Stevie Wonders' wife? Neithers he!
What's E.T. short for? He's only got little legs.
Why are elephants big fat and grey? If they were small round and white they would be aspirins.
Whats green and flies through walls? Caspar the friendly cooking apple.
A gay man walks into a butchers. Butcher says "can i help you?" Gay man replies "No, its ok im just in for a mince round"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 12:13:14
Edit :
Quote
What's white and hops across Australia? Skippy the bush kanga-fridge
Two nuns in a bath. One says "where's the soap?" the other one giggles "yes it does rather, doesn't it?"
Bill and Ben the flower pot men in the pub. Bill says "flobblle-lobble flobble li flobble" Ben says "right, lets get you home, you're p****d"
Bill and Ben in the bath. Bill says "flobble lobble, flobbley flobble" Ben says "if that smells I'll bloody kill you"
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
What's the difference between a giraffe and a JCB? Ones got hydraulics and the others got high-b******s
_________________
'He who laughs last, laughs longest. Or didn't get the joke...'
[ This Message was edited by: Cycovision on 2005-10-13 11:58 ]
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 12:56:33
Edit :
Quote
I went to the dentist last week, and i thought "thats funny, instead of going up and down his chair slides back and forth" until i heard the dentist shouting "Mr _Spirit, will you please get out of the filing cabinet"
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 13:11:23
Edit :
Quote
A Blonde walks into a bar....stupid blonde
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 18:51:49
Edit :
Quote
Two oranges sitting at a bar, one orange says to the other… Your round!
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 18:54:18
Edit :
Quote
what do you call a roman with a pube between his teeth?
Gladiator
(say it slow!)
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 19:51:57
Edit :
Quote
lol had 2 say relli slow
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 20:05:40
Edit :
Quote
some of mine...
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Problem with the gene pool ...... no lifeguard.
Some days it just doesn't pay to gnaw through the straps...
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
I can resist anything but temptation
All good things in moderation ..... including moderation
I don't have a problem with willpower
It's won't power I have a problem with
When you're finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone else decide to play chess?
Life is sexually transmitted.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups ...
1. The bonbon group
2. The caffeine group
3. The salty-snack group
4. the thing-in-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge group
I don't take drugs - I'm not even an athlete.
I said no to drugs - They didn't listen.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Five out of four people are schizophrenic.
Never criticise a man 'til you've walked half a mile in his shoes. At least that way if you don't like what he has to say then you're half a mile away and you have his shoes ...
--
Posted: 2005-10-13 20:14:38
Edit :
Quote
Two cows in a field, one turns to the other and says "Whew, its hot today, isn't it?" The second cow says "Wow, a talking cow!!!"
--
Posted: 2005-10-14 12:27:43
Edit :
Quote
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
--
Posted: 2005-10-14 15:24:00
Edit :
Quote
New Topic
Reply
