News Forum Phone database

> New Topic
> Reply
< Esato Forum Index > General discussions > Non mobile discussion > copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year Bookmark topic

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
letter of the year...have a laugh and
read on.
Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with
words.... A real-life customer complaint
letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific
details,
so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek
to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you
can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few
minutes
- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly
adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for
it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will
be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least
a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one
of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
godawful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service
to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there
isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant
beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest
that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed
to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity
and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt
for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have
not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you
did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
John
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 22:25:33
Edit : Quote


thats classic! someone has to tell these "twats"


dude_se
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 22:30:31
Edit : Quote


Brilliant!!!

'sputum filled pieces of distended rectum' - I think that guy watched Red Dwarf, that's a quote from an episode I think!

I wonder if he got a reply from NTL, and what it was? And if he got a refund or vouchers or something?
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 22:37:14
Edit : Quote




Was thinking of getting 10mb with NTL in January, do not think i will bother now.

Ha ha!
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:12:56
Edit : Quote


Classic! I think you're in a Telewest area Miss C? They are much better. This message was posted from a S700
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:18:02
Edit : Quote


I gotta tell you... this does not sound too disimilar to an email I sent to bulldog and I now wish I had kept that email!

months later, I still receive bills from them and reply, quoting their email saying I would never have to pay anything for their crap service.

Fortunately they haven't actually taken any money from my card but thats probably more from their inability to see anything through to completion rather than actually not wanting to take my money
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:19:36
Edit : Quote


a classic !
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:29:57
Edit : Quote


Which year? I saw this four years ago and it was fake then! I can ASSURE you it's no letter ever received by NTL


--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:46:48
Edit : Quote


Man that was great never have i seen words put together like that i had a good chuckle This message was posted from a WAP device
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:51:08
Edit : Quote


spoilsport... yeah, I knew that. In fact I have seen it in many guises such as this one

indeed, as with many of these things you need only pick a phrase and stick it in google to find the real truth
--
Posted: 2005-12-21 23:51:58
Edit : Quote

---

New Topic   Reply

Forum Index