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God, the supreme creator of the universe, was investigated by the CIA over involvement in the September 11 attacks and the devastating Hurricane Katrina, according to confidential documents leaked yesterday. A former CIA operative, who wishes to remain anonymous, has confirmed that God was indeed a suspect.
"The finger was pointed squarely at heaven at one point," the former operative told us. "Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and associates stated that it was God's will that these attacks and disasters occurred to punish Americans. They were clearly implicating God as an instigator. So of course we had to investigate if these allegations had any real validity."
However, it seems that there was little divine involvement in these events. "The investigations led to nothing," the operative said.However, the fact that such an all powerful and immortal being could be suspected of colluding with terrorists has enraged his supporters.
"I'm disappointed,"the Arch Angel Gabriel said. "We work hard to promote a positive image of God, heaven and Christianity in general, then some right-wing nutters go and pointlessly associate God with terrible attacks and natural disasters. I don't blame the CIA, they're doing their job, but people like Pat Robertson get under my holy skin."
It seems that God Himself is also tired of right wing broadcasters associating him with the destruction of September 11 and Katrina. "Being interrogated by the CIA was not the most pleasant experience for him," His personal assistant and spokesperson, St Peter, said. "After all, He created humans, and the interrogations were a little embarrassing. He could have obliterated His interrogators with a flick of His finger, but what would that have proved? So in the end, He was quite agitated by the entire process, and not happy with the individuals who pointed the finger at Him. He is now, of course, seeking legal advice."
Some heavenly analysts are even suggesting that Pat Robertson's accommodation booking in heaven after his death has been cancelled, and new housing arranged in a less salubrious location. Jana Weremey, the accommodation manager for heaven refused to confirm these allegations but did admit that Robertson's star had waned. "He's not going to get the welcome up here that he seems to think he'll get, if you know what I mean," she said.
Other immortal beings are also reacting against the careless pronouncements of their supposed followers. In recent months, Allah (God of the Islamic religion) distanced himself from protestors across the globe who reacted violently to a Danish cartoonist's representations of His Holiness. Only last year, the virgins-for-martyrs program, a tenet of Islamic heaven for over a millennium, was cancelled, due to undesirable elements increasingly becoming involved.
"We're a little tired of the current crop of fundamentalist Christians," the Arch Angel Gabriel said. "We've got to remain competitive, and with Islam's move away from the gun-toting crazies, it's probably time we distance ourselves from our own particular brand of weirdoes."
"So, if I were President Bush or Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell," he continued, "I wouldn't be making presumptions of having a place prepared for them in heaven when they die. God's a pretty merciful guy, but he's not a doormat."
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Posted: 2006-11-21 21:44:32
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I hope that the CIA will be INVESTIGATING: Lucifer/Satan, as well . . . for the REST of the world's - PROBLEMS he is CREATING . . . . .
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Posted: 2006-11-21 22:23:46
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I wouldn't be suprised if CIA actually did this.
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[ This Message was edited by: SaLiH on 2006-11-21 22:58 ]
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Posted: 2006-11-21 23:55:14
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CIA need to investigate their own backsides.
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Posted: 2006-11-21 23:58:20
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I agree. You should all watch this U.S BLEW UP THE TOWERS clip that axxxar put.
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Posted: 2006-11-22 00:00:37
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SaLiH you should also take a look at this:
TRUTH RAP thread.
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Posted: 2006-11-22 00:27:30
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hahahahaha, clearly this is made up, good humour guys !! Arch Angel Gabriel giving an interview?? haha
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Posted: 2006-11-22 04:30:50
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Definitely an inside job
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Posted: 2006-11-22 09:09:07
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I would'nt surprise me in the least if the CIA had actually done this.
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Posted: 2006-11-22 14:30:09
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EastCoastStar Posts: > 500
i already hate the CIA and FBI as it is...
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Posted: 2006-11-22 20:24:22
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