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> Forget the iphone introducing the "rPhone"
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rPhone combines three delightfully diverse products into one awkward and cumbersome handheld contraption a revolutionary steam-powered satellite phone, a stylish French musicbox, and a vibrasonic multi-purpose tool that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a Sonic Screwdriver.
www.piratepalooza.com/rphone
rPhone is the first portable telephone constructed of materials you've come to associate with progressive technology... from its exquisite rosewood paneling to the handsome brass frame, it shouts "This is the 18th century!" and "Gee, this thing sure is heavy!" and "What do you mean it costs $20,000??". Rest assured this is one phone you'll never lose in a pocket (unless you have extremely fancy pants m'lord!) and best of all, rPhone provides an analogue interface that even the simplest of simpletons (like you! m'lord!) can comprehend! No more confusing menu screens or complicated keystrokes, rPhone is built for space pirates on the go!
Ordinary phones work fairly well in the limited coverage area of their providers, but you're always locked into expensive, confusing contracts and you learn to tolerate dropped calls due to the rudimentary technology currently employed by the inhabitants of your world. rPhone is lightyears ahead of all that.
Blows Away The Competition (and some brands of pacemakers)
Why be limited to line-of-sight communications between haphazardly placed cellphone towers when Low Earth Orbit is only 124 miles away? rPhone could use next-generation portable microwave technology to beam signals directly to a network of satellites circling the planet, but that's too much work. Instead, rPhone jumps ahead of the competition with next-next-generation Killerwave™ technology which bounces its signal directly off of anything in the vicinity, essentially turning your surroundings into the highest quality digital repeater imaginable. Cars, boats, neighbors, your pets and children all work equally well to boost your signal into the stratosphere.
You know what that means... no more dropped calls. Evarrrrrrrrr.
Let's face it: most features offered by phone manufacturers are a complete waste of your time and your hard-pirated money. Text Messaging. Downloadable Google Maps. Multi-Touch screens. Cameraphones. It's just a bunch of foolish talk what don't make any sense... I mean who the bloody hell wants to talk to a camera? Or take a picture of their phone... or whatever it is they be wanting you to do with these things. No lads, let's be keepin' the rPhone simple.
Good Vibrations
When's the last time you were aboard a marked ship, creeping up behind some big galoot, ready to peel him ear-to-ear, only to receive a call from your dear old Mother? Holla. Yar, we've all been there. We mightn't be stinkin' Ninjers, but pirates depend on stealth the same as any professional. That's why rPhone has the most powerful vibrating alert in the entire telecom industry. Oscillating at an astonishing 2,300 kilocycles/second, rPhone is powerful enough to alert you to a meeting while loosening those tight muscles and jimmying locks on even the most secure of executive washrooms.
Agitate those Molecules!
rPhone uses exotic high-velocity soundwave technology that actually reverses the polarity of the neutron flow in almost all known materials!! "Obtained" from a consultant to a classified British paramilitary group by Captain Drew in the late 1980's, this "sonic" technology can be used to "evacuate" brigs, gaeols, dungeons, yardarms, planks, police call boxes and a variety of other types of places you'd probably best well avoid. But that's not all! rPhone's vibrating action can help you "infiltrate" treasure chests, gold mines, colonial cash reserve banks, Steely Dan concerts and every bra known to man. Yes, the lassies dig that Vibrasonic Action.
Just imagine all the adventures you'll have, Skippy!
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Posted: 2007-06-18 02:25:48
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does it run on diesel?
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Posted: 2007-06-18 02:30:57
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And here it is in the flesh, more live pics
HERE
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Posted: 2007-06-18 02:36:38
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can you play music? How loud?
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Posted: 2007-06-18 02:40:11
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On 2007-06-18 02:30:57, belialwafu wrote:
does it run on diesel?
You need to check the specs again, its steam-powered.
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Posted: 2007-06-18 02:55:50
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LMAO, i like the specs, definately the iphone killer, now apple are going to have to come up with something to rival the rPhone.
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Posted: 2007-06-18 04:04:23
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ah....no CAMERA!
R
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Posted: 2007-06-18 04:36:36
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hey guys is it made of metal or aluminum or something? maybe if i dont want it anymore i can sell it to the recycling shop
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Posted: 2007-06-18 08:25:39
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Looks out for the hands on review coming soon!
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Posted: 2007-06-18 13:01:31
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yeah!
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Posted: 2007-06-18 13:31:16
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