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Off topic but quite funny!!!
The German car industry has been rocked this week by claims that BMW's design director is actually controlled by Mercedes-Benz.
An anonymous insider at Merc's Stuttgart HQ alleges that Chris Bangle, head of BMW styling for the last seven years, is actually a sophisticated robot intent on slowly destroying the company.
"Zis started as a harmless project by ze R&D department," claims the informant, who we've given a ludicrous German accent to make him seem more sinister, "But ven ze board discovered it zey hatched an interesting plan. Ve vould send ze robot for a job in ze BMW design studio, just to see vot vould happen. Little did ve sink he would be made design director."
The three-pointed snitch insists that this scheme was just an innocent prank; "I mean, ve made him look like such a clichéd designer. Ze stupid glasses, ze inadvisable facial hair, ze ability to talk complete bollocks about his company's designs and instinctively slag off all uzzer designer's verk; it vas too obvious but zey fell for it!"
It was at this stage that the Mercedes management realised the evil potential for their new creation. "Ve haf long admired BMW's design integrity. So ve decided to see if it could be ruined," says the Teutonic tell-tale, "Ve verr careful at first but no one seemed to notice so ve decided to try a bigger experiment on a show car. Ze result vas ze Z9. It vas completely shit and no one complained. Ven we tried again ve got ze ridiculous X-coupé. Zen ve knew our plan vould verk. Even ve verr amazed ven ve saw ze new Compact. It vas completely rubbish yet no von qvestioned ze stupid little headlights or stumpy proportions. Ve even uploaded a picture of ze Lexus IS200 to see if zey would notice ven W290 [Mercedes codename for the robot] stole ze design for ze rear lights. It is good for zem zat zis car is bought by vankers uzzervise zey vould not sell any."
However, Merc's evil plan doesn't stop there according to the Daimler-Benz double crosser; "If you sink ze new 7-series is a big heap of cack, vait 'till you see vot ve haf done to ze next 5-series. Ve vill bring zem to zere KNEES! HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA…"
Fears are growing that Bangle may be not the only terrifying super robot in the car industry. At the Frankfurt Motor Show a senior Ford director was seen squirting WD-40 into Wolfgang Reizle's elbows.
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Posted: 2003-06-09 05:42:15
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