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Davo_169 Posts: > 500

if anyone remembers last night i was talking to bunnypenny about writing a script.

well heres the first couple of scenes i just wrote up then

tell me what you think about it. and suggest things to add to it and give me ideas and stuff like that

FADE IN:

EXT. UNKNOWN DESERT FACILITY, SIGN – NIGHT

SUPER – unknown desert facility, 2005

In the middle of the desert on a clear night, a rusty sign sways in the wind, there is writing on it in several different languages, they all appear to state the same thing, ‘unknown desert facility, keep out’. Next to the writing, is a large biohazard warning. The camera pans down and right to see a highway truck stop diner. There are only two cars and one truck cab parked out the front.

INT. HIGHWAY TRUCKSTOP DINER, WINDOW BOOTH – NIGHT

We hear country music in the background as two Stoner College kids are sitting at a window booth with the leftovers of a hamburger meal spread all over the table. There are several placemat puzzles scattered around the table and on the floor.

STEVE
Bull s**t, I beat you.

JOEY
NO f*ck*n way man, you hit the crocodile on the first turn.

STEVE
It’s an alligator you pommy b*st*rd.

JOEY
For the last time, im not pom, im bl**dy Aussie.

GREIG (Off Screen)
(Bad imitation of Aussie accent)
It’s all the bl**dy same, innit.

They both look to the men’s room

GREIG (O.S) (CONT’D)
YEEE HAAA! Crickey, you should see this f*ck*n turd guys, its like melted chocolate floating in a pond, this guy must have had burritos or something aye. F*CK ME SIDEWAYS, SH*T LIKE THIS SHOULD BE IN THE BIBLE!

GREIG exits the bathroom, nearly knocking the burly man at the payphone over. Greig jumps back and notices the burrito packet on the shelf next to the man. Making gestures to his mates about his discovery, they ignore him and continue to argue about the placemats.

GREIG
Did you see that guy at the payphone, HAH, what a legend.

STEVE
Greig man. Who won out of these?

Steve holds up the two placemats, both very badly completed.

GREIG
Umm, definitely that one.

JOEY
HAH, YEAH BI*TCH. SCORE ONE FOR THA J BIRD!

Joey jumps up onto the table, ecstatic about his victory, and starts humping the air. Everyone in the diner just stares at him, as he slowly realizes what he is doing he slows down and then calmly sits back down.

JOEY (CONT’D)
(Out of breath)
So where to next?

EXT. HIGHWAY TRUCKSTOP DINER, PARKING LOT – NIGHT

The boys burst out of the door laughing in a frenzied nipple cripple fight, attacking each other from all angles as they make their way towards the car.

JOEY
SHOTGUN!!

Joey and Greig suddenly start racing to the front seat.

STEVE
DOUBLE BARREL!

JOEY
DAMN THAT BL**DY RULE!

STEVE
Now we’re even pom, get in the back.

INT. GREIGS CAR – NIGHT

JOEY
Turn the f*ckin heat on man!

GREIG
JUST WAIT, I can’t find the keys.

STEVE
Well did you drop them somewhere?

GREIG
Well maybe I dunno. (Beat)
HOLY SH*T! THEY MUST HAVE FELL OUT OF MY POCKET WHILE I WAS ON THE

INT. HIGHWAY TRUCKSTOP DINER, BATHROOM – NIGHT

They burly man that Greig ran into bursts through the bathroom door holding the back of his pants, there are only three cubicles and one of them is occupied, he enters the closest one to the door, he can clearly see the mess he made earlier so he exits and goes into the middle one and locks the door. The camera pans down and we can see a set of keys just between his feet. We can also hear very disgusting toilet noises.

so what do you think?

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Posted: 2005-03-29 07:50:37
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govigov Posts: > 500

Typical. So far so good. Continue.
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Posted: 2005-03-29 07:57:00
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Davo_169 Posts: > 500

typical?
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Posted: 2005-03-29 07:58:34
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govigov Posts: > 500

Very predictable script. And starting scenes in lots of movies. Now the kid brings a stick to pull out the key. Man sees it. Comes out angrily, the kid snatches the key and runs. Starts car, accelerates, the angry drunk with baseball bat or shotgun, slungs/fire at the car. May the bullet hits the passenger side mirror. The trio drives into the night. Scene ends. Next morn, two options, either the trio ends up dead, enter the real hero as an investigating officer, or the trio can be made heros when everybody This message was posted from a K500
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:04:35
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Davo_169 Posts: > 500

not quite the direction i was gonna go with but a good one none the less

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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:10:02
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govigov Posts: > 500

Continued. Or the trio can be made heros when everybody in the diner ends up dead. The trio keep mum, and starts their own investigation. That is when they are targeted to be killed and the fun begins.
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:10:00
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Davo_169 Posts: > 500

but what about the sign. thats the most important part of the story
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:13:06
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govigov Posts: > 500

Tell your version. This message was posted from a K500
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:13:09
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Davo_169 Posts: > 500

ok the trio get the keys in a very funny physical comedy scene, they get chased out by the burly man, jump in the car and drive toward the unknown desert facility, they run out of gas and are forced to go to the unknown desert facility.........
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:16:41
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govigov Posts: > 500

The ppl behind the sign blew up the diner as an experiment. The kids figure it out. And they have to dodge their way thru electro magnetic pulse guns.

to stop them from shipping the guns to iraq.

_________________

kerala - god's own country

I have a drinking problem, only one mouth and two hands

[ This Message was edited by: govigov on 2005-03-29 07:18 ]
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Posted: 2005-03-29 08:17:00
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