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Absolutely I agree,best to to tell her how you feel now rather than regret it for the rest of your life,at least you'll know where you stand.
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Posted: 2006-03-24 10:34:39
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Let her know how you feel, but make sure u go about it the right way. Even if she says that it isnt meant to be you wouldnt want to lose her as a friend, give her a call make sure she can talk and ask, then u can have a battery failing moment or a random knock at the door if it all goes horribly wrong! x
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Posted: 2006-03-24 10:49:05
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I think everyone has made some very good comments and suggestions, and i agree with most of them. However, i think we need more information before we can blindy say he should tell her how he feels. Since the start of this thread, Linkinpark17UK hasnt posted since. When is she getting married ? Has she ever shown an interest in you ? and if she has, are you sure you interpreted it correctly as meaning she likes you ?
This girl in question is getting married. People do not get married lightly these days, unless its for the lure of money or status. Has this girl ever shown a romantic interest in you ? if she has, are you sure its not just your imagination ? men and women work differently, where a woman will interpret a man smiling at her as him simply being polite, a man will interpret a woman smiling at him as meaning she fancies you. Its a common mistake all men make.
I think in this case its important that before you run the risk of losing her friendship by telling her you see her more than a friend, you at least attempt to determine whether your feelings are shared. If they are not and you tell her, it could potentially blow up in your face.
Normally when people ask me for advice, i always say honesty is the best policy, it has always worked for me, and usually works for everyone else. Whether the other person feels the same or not usually makes no difference i always say tell the other person, but the fact shes getting married complicates this case further. By telling her you run the risk of losing her friendship forever, or at the bare minimum creating bad feelings between the two of you, and her partner for the rest of your lives.
If it were me, id tell her, but id do it carefully. Put no pressure on her, make sure she understands if she does not and never will feel the same things will remain normal, you'll always be a friend. If you try pressuring her into something she doesnt want, of be it she does want it but is too scared to make a move herself, again you run the risk of ruining her life, yours and her partners.
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On 2006-03-23 22:37:14, Sammy_boy wrote:
It depends I guess as well as if you still want her as a friend - sometimes being told that she just wants to be friends is as bad as being told she can't stand you!
I'm in that predicament myself right now. I was seeing a woman on and off last year, but we never officially got it together, mainly due to her not trusting me, her paranoia, he seeing me giving other women Christmas kisses. We spent a few nights together through December and into January, and i told her how i felt, and i know for a fact she felt the same. However, come mid January she just said she only wanted to be friends, and has being saying the same ever since. She now says she has no feelings for me at all, and that she never will.
The bad part is, she still gets jealous if she sees me talking to other women, she still pressures me about wanting to know whether i care about her or not (ive told her 1000 times i care ), yet she still does not believe me. I still catch her looking at me in the same way she used to, i still feel like theres a deep connection between the two of us.
Right now, i feel like im being torn apart, just like Linkinpark17UK, so i know how you feel buddy.
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Posted: 2006-03-24 14:16:08
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wait until the wedding day and just before she says i do, then shout WAIT!!!! i love you!! and tape it and put it on youtube lol. Only joking, tell her how you feel, it will eat you up inside otherwise.
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Posted: 2006-03-24 15:06:43
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If you tell her and she rejects you, your loose her as a friend.
If you don’t tell her you’re always regret it for what could have been.
Sounds like you’ve been friends for a while and stayed only friends (maybe there’s a reason for this).
If she really is planned on marrying, she obviously wants and plans to spend the rest of her life with the other guy and not you (sorry).
Hard choice, personally I’d keep quite and try to move on and be happy that she’s found happiness with the other guy.
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Posted: 2006-03-24 17:50:03
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Had a long ass read through all this, enough advice to write a book here lol, ur probs more confused now than before!.
Anyway the way i see it:
At the moment: You feel like shit
If you tell her and she says no: You feel like shit
You dont tell her: You feel like shit
But if you do tell her & she says yes: What shit?
There you go
I'd say tell her...important part is how you tell her, obv do it so you can still be friends, maybe better than you are now..that is if it goes ugly.
Anyway mate, good luck, let us know how it turns out!
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Posted: 2006-03-24 18:38:31
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you leave her be,
if she has made a mistake youll know about it soon enough.
fatreg
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Posted: 2006-03-24 23:49:50
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Etaab, in my experience this type of woman wants to be adored. But they just want the attention, they don't actually want to give anything back.
They love the attention, they love knowing that someone loves them unconditionally (ie: someone who has loved them for years and who they know always will, but who makes no demand on them. In other words someone whose feelings they don't have to consider)
I've just had a big fight with a friend of mine (who I once had feelings for but got over that years ago - we remained good friends). This fight was started because she was never prepared to put herself out for me when I needed emotional support, yet always expected me to "be there" for her no matter what. When her life went to shit because of the stupid men she insisted on dating, my life had to go on hold so that I could spend every evening talking her through the same f..king shit every night - for weeks or months on end.
In the end I just got the jack of it and shit was she surprised when I told her I wasn't happy. She really expected that because of how I'd felt for her once, that I was some sort of superhuman who was this "rock" whose only consideration in life was her happiness. In a sense she used me for emotional support, so that she could keep dating men who wouldn't give her emotional support (but to whom she was sexually attracted or as she incorrectly thought of it "soulmates").
I haven't spoken to her in weeks, because after I tried to talk to her about it she wouldn't let me talk (kept interupting) and then told me to "spit it out" because she didn't have time to listen to me ramble on (I was only trying to explain how I felt - which I couldn't do properly because she kept interupting).
So my advice to anyone, don't waste time with women who don't know what they want. You'll end being used by them.
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Posted: 2006-03-25 01:28:43
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I read all the posts and i still don't know what to do, i am planning to meet her soon and see how she is, if she seems happy then i'll probably stay silent, she has suffered from so much unhappiness before in the past and if this her chance to be happy i won't get in the way.
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Posted: 2006-03-25 11:39:23
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Best of luck to you hope it all works out.
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Posted: 2006-03-25 11:50:40
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