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< Esato Forum Index > General discussions > Non mobile discussion > I want to tell a girl that i love her but she is getting married Bookmark topic

miss c is right she's treating you pretty bad. Sammy_boy also has a good point about her having been hurt in the past.

The truth is no amount of talking will make her see sense. You have to continue being assertive and firm, yet supportive at the same time. No number of wordings or "proof" will satisfy her, since she is suffering from internal doubts. It's not your fault that she feels this way, but that's the only way she can see it. In her mind she feels she needs to "know" (proof) that you care without any question, and she interprets her own self doubts as coming from outside her. Many people do this,. They have feelings about something ie: doubt, but don't understand that those feelings are coming from inside. They continually look around for the source of the horrible feelings they have (forgetting to look inside) and when they can't find it they get frustrated, angry, resentful etc. So if she has doubts in her own mind about your feelings, she assumes that you must be the one with the doubts and that she is "picking up" on those doubts. This is a trick the subconscious plays to protect the conscious mind from information that is too scary for the individual to process. Just pretend someone else is responsible for your bad feelings. People do this because deep in their sub-conscious they fear they can never be "complete". To avoid looking at this issue, just blame everyone around you for any bad feelings you have.

The hard part is you can't talk to her about this out in the open like we are doing here - she'll just be suspicious that you are trying to blame her.

Your actions, firm but supportive, are the best bet for getting her to see. Assertive because she needs to learn that you won't play games with her when she tries to blame you for her own internal self-doubt, and supportive because she needs to know you are there for her. Supportive in this case means leaving the lines of communication open and not getting angry with her, but it doesn't mean putting up with unfounded accusations. When she starts to talk about proof that you care and things like that, reiterate that it's obvious you care, but DON'T get drawn into an argument. Say it once, then leave if you have to so that you don't get drawn into the argument.

Once she can see that you don't feel the need to justify yourself to her she will have more confidence in what you say. Sounds perverse I know, but that's how woman work sometimes. She'll also see that trying to get you to prove that you care will just push you away.

You must be consistant about this, otherwise she won't get the message.
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Posted: 2006-03-31 01:23:57
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Well, heres the latest. After seeing her Wednesday night, we got on well after the initial arguement when we first met up, like ive already said above. Then, i saw her again last night, and it was a complete reversal in attitude from the night before where she calmed down after a while and talked rationally.

All the time i spent with her last night, she had a nasty attitude and was saying things intentionally to hurt my feelings, swearing and generally being abusive (shes like that when shes upset). Eventually i got sick of it, and confronted her about it. She said she was in a bad mood anyway, but was also still very angry with me for the things id said and done in the days previous. I asked her why though, since the night before we'd talked in a civilised manner and suddenly we were back on warring terms again.

She continued to give me nothing but bad attitude until i finally calmed her down enough to talk rationally. Then, we went over all the same old ground again and again. I told her the things id said in the days before id only said because i was angry and that she'd hurt me, and when i told her to stay out of my life, i didnt actually mean it. I also talked about the things that had happened that had destroyed her trust in me, and attempted to convince her how i really feel, and what i really wanted.

She simply does not believe me. She apologised for not believing me, and said for some reason why i say such things i just dont seem genuine. I then told her a few things about myself, about how i feel and how serious i am about her even if she doesnt want the same thing (recently she had a pregnancy scare, and i said id stand by her if the results were positive (they werent)).

Anyway, we parted on good terms last night, but she still doesnt want to even be friends at the moment.
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Posted: 2006-03-31 18:49:43
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Well well well, what a weekend it has been.

Since i pressed the submit button on Friday since i last posted, alot has happened. This woman im talking about decided to cause me trouble at work (we both work for the same company, thats where we met), and told my boss i had been harassing her. Saturday and Sunday at work she decided it was all not true anymore, and didnt want to proceed with sexual harassment claims (after she had told my boss i had..).

The result, she has been moved to a completely different part of the building.

A good result for me, since Saturday night there was a sort of work related night out and she attended. I didnt know she was coming. In the queue for the night club she punched me square in the face, because i was laughing at her inept attempts of getting me sacked. Inside the club, i rubbed her face in the dirt by chatting up and kissing another woman i met at the bar. Im taking her out next week.

The woman ive been talking about for so long now then snogged some geeky kid in a pathetic attempt to make me jealous, and in the taxi home brought him with us. All rather amusing to me. Then, as i got out of the taxi for no apparent reason she attacked me by punching me, scratching me and tearing my shirt. Im now covered in bruises, nail scratches all down my neck and ribs.

The funny part is, i dont really care anymore. Its obvious she has some sort of feelings for me otherwise she wouldnt have done what she did or attacked me for showing her silly behaviour does not bother me.
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Posted: 2006-04-03 11:49:59
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ditch her... sounds, like you have anyway..... she sounds like a man-beater..... imho that is as bad as a wife beater...... she deserves to be publically imbarressed for hitting a bloke, especially the scratches...... I hate it coz if it was the other way around and she was covered in brusies it would be a different story for the bloke...... We live in a very sexist world where womeen can get away with beating.......
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Posted: 2006-04-03 12:08:43
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this is some bitchin session!!
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Posted: 2006-04-03 12:08:54
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The women is a complete psycho mate!!!

Jeez why would anyone be like that, people like her give us nice ladies a bad name

Well i hope your date goes well, have a nice time and totally ditch that other weirdo, i wouldn't be friends with her at all after the way she has behaved.


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Posted: 2006-04-03 15:23:50
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Etaab dude, that's one flipped out chick. You def don't need her. It's no doubt true that she cares about you, but it's gonna take her years to learn how express it properly.

Move on, enjoy ya date man

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[ This Message was edited by: max_wedge on 2006-04-03 14:28 ]
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Posted: 2006-04-03 15:24:43
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Yeah i agree she has issues, no doubt about that!

This thread should become some kind of dating agony aunt thread ha ha!


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Posted: 2006-04-03 15:33:45
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@ Everyone - to be honest, its not the violence that bothers me at all, in fact i find it a kind of turn on that she can fight her corner, and rather amusing because shes only small and can barely hurt me apart from cosmetic scratches on my neck and chest.

What bothers me the most is the fact she threatened and tried to cause serious trouble for me at work. Making sexual harassment accusations has lots of implications, not only could it get a guy sacked, but it could also ruin all future career opportunities and turn otherwise loyal friends or colleagues against a man (or woman for that matter).

Its the very fact that she did that when i'd worked so hard just to be friends with her that i cannot forgive. Friends simply do not do that to each other. I'll move on in time, even though right now im still feeling pretty down and low over the whole mess but im looking forward to my date towards the weekend. Wish me luck.

@ miss copperfield - thats not such a bad idea, i know in the past ive often just wanted to write down how im feeling and allow other people to share what im going through, and read their stories too. Its always good to know you're not alone.

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[ This Message was edited by: etaab on 2006-04-04 00:50 ]
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Posted: 2006-04-04 01:48:48
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You are certainly not alone buddy.

My ex from a couple of years ago wouldn't stay friends with me because her knew guy didn't want her to have anything to do with me. But that didn't stop her using me to babysit our dogs (after we broke up) for two weeks while she lived it up with her new bloke. Then she came and got the dogs and wouldn't let me see them again! If I'd had space to keep them (I moved out of the house we'd shared into a granny flat at my Dad's) I would have sued her for custody, serious! Well I would have sued her if I had any money, after what I spent on her and fixing up her financial mistakes.

I miss my ridgebacks (don't miss her at all).

Now this girl was quite a bit younger than me (13 years). Which is about how much older than me my girlfriend before that was! If you think it's easy to have communication difficulties with someone your own age, try someone 14 years younger or older
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Posted: 2006-04-04 13:16:49
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